Captain Cherry & The Sundae Squad
by Silver Flame Alchemist
Summary: It started with a newfangled nickname for everyone's favorite Captain, a visit to the illustrious Avengers' Tower, and a date on Valentine's Day... And then it spiraled right out of control. Later, Tony would swear he had nothing to do with it (which was a lie), and Steve would claim he had never seen it coming (which was the truth). - Gently OCs/Steve&Tony - Crack -
1. Valentine's Shenanigans

_This began as a Valentine's present for_ Methodical Madness _, and I just had to share it, so... Enjoy the crack._

* * *

The Tower, when Ika finally clapped eyes on it from her seat in the back of the cab, was far taller than she had initially thought. Sure, she reasoned, it was _The Avengers'_ tower, but… Well. She was used to the one Jarvis lived in, and this was more like a monument ( _to Tony's ego_ ) their good deeds than it was a simple "tower".

"Maybe he's compensating for something?" Ika suggested to the blond beside her, the older girl completely engrossed in her book and ignoring their surroundings entirely. "Stark, I mean. Clearly there's something not-quite-right with that man's noggin."

"Well you're probably right." Mizuki agreed, shrugging. "But he's kinda like the cool uncle you want to bang, so I'm not complaining."

Ika's head whipped around so fast she was surprised she didn't hear anything snap. "I don't recall ever having uncles like that, thank you very much."

"You didn't?" Her tone bordered on utter disbelief. "I did."

"Mi-chan!" The blond quirked her eyebrows, waiting, and received her answer from the brunette soon after, accompanied by a wicked grin. "You vixen, you!"

She grinned, winked at her companion, and went back to her book. Ika, meanwhile, went back to watching the city creep by as horns blared and people yelled indistinctly to one another on the crowded streets.

"Tell me again why he didn't just come pick us up?" She prompted after a few more minutes of silence.

"Ika. If you had two outsiders coming to your place, would you want to pick them up in flashy style or let them creep in all inconspicuous like?"

"…point taken."

"Besides, he's busy. You know, saving this thing called the world. Big stuff, apparently. Not that I'd know." She sniffed, grinned, and glanced out the window. "Although he could have at least sent one of the cars that _flies_ … This traffic is absurd."

"We could walk." Ika suggested, half-serious and half-joking, because they were still roughly six blocks from the enormous structure, and it was six blocks of _hell_.

"Steve would never let us hear the end of it." Mizuki replied. "Actually, neither would Tony."

"How many of these heroes do you know, anyway?" She hadn't had the chance to ask her on the flight over (on an _airplane_ with _people_ and _ugh_!), and only just realized she'd never found out from the blond how many of the Avengers she was acquainted with.

"Oh, uh…" She trailed off lamely, trying to hide behind her book. "You know. Most of them."

" _Most_?"

There was a pause of about thirty seconds in which Ika knew Mizuki was trying to avoid blushing and failing horribly. How she could make cracks about banging uncles and still get embarrassed by getting called out for _knowing_ someone, Ika couldn't comprehend.

"Tony lets me crash at his place when I need to tinker and think and I may or may not have crashed myself into his workshop at one point and Banner had to fix me up, and then I kinda-sorta had a run in with a piece of alien tech and got bound to life to Thor, and then they sent me birthday presents, and Tony showed up with cars and a motorcycle, and Steve wanted to take me dancing, and it's really complicated, okay?!"

"…I don't see any alien tech."

Mizuki glared at her over the top of her book, daring her to make any further comment. When none came, the blond rolled her eyes. "I had Loki enchant it so you can't see it. It's a big bulky bracer thing. Gets in the way if I don't keep the spell on it."

"So when you say _bound for life_ , do you mean in a matrimonial sense, or…?"

"Ika! No!"

"Cause that's a gig I could fully support. I mean, what would that make you? Princess of Asgard? That'd be cool; to know a princess."

"I am not married to Thor."

"Yet~"

Mizuki hid her face in her hands, sighing deeply. "Odin helps us get to the tower soon…"

"Don't you mean _Allfather-in-law_ ~?"

* * *

Ika was starting to think she was going to get neck strain from staring up at the tower, but a light tug on her arm pulled her back down to earth, and she followed a grinning Mizuki around to a side door that was tucked behind a convenient amount of shrubberies.

"I feel like we're sneaking into the pentagon!"

"That would probably be easier." Mizuki replied dryly, pressing her thumb to a keypad by the door.

"Hello, Miss Sakamoto, how are you this afternoon?" A pleasant British voice rang out from above them, and a tiny camera peeked out to look them both over. "A pleasant journey, I hope?"

"Pleasant enough; thank you Jarvis." Mizuki replied with a wave, tapping in a code to the keypad. "Would you mind telling Tony we're here? This is Ika Zachaire, she's with me."

"Of course, Mr. Stark mentioned you bringing a friend with you for your visit." Ika was certain that if the camera had eyes, they would have narrowed as it peered at her. "Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers have both been alerted to your arrival. If you have need of anything, please do not hesitate to ask." The lock clicked out of place, and the door swung open, revealing a long corridor of chrome and glass beyond.

Mizuki pulled Ika in through the door, and led her along the hallway, stopping when they reached an elevator. Again, she entered her code and fingerprint, and the doors dinged open cheerily. Once inside, she pushed the appropriate button, and leaned back against the wall.

"So you know the virtual butler too, huh?" Ika teased with a grin as they quickly scaled the building.

"That's inevitable." She shot back. "Jarvis knows everyone."

The doors dinged open again, and Ika was greeted with a view of a gigantic den, large windows looking out over the city, and two bars on either side of the space. Couches and chairs were laid out with tables, and the place had a cozy well-lived-in feel too it.

"Ladies!" Thor's booming voice was unmistakable, and Ika jumped when she spotted the God of Thunder beaming at them from across the room. He was by her side in a flash, scooping them both up into a colossal hug, a chuckle ( _unsurprisingly_ _)_ like thunder rumbling out of him and right into their bones. "It is very good to see you both once more!"

Mizuki giggled, returning the hug with as much force as she could muster while being half-crushed against an Ika. "It's wonderful to see you too, Thor."

"Okay, okay, let the girl breathe, wouldja?" A different voice spoke from behind the booming blond, and both girls were carefully set back down to earth as Thor moved away, revealing a familiar archer sulking in a hoodie. "Leave some for the rest of us… Jeez."

"Hey Clint." Mizuki gave him a shy smile, only moving in for a hug when he opened his arms and beckoned her over.

"Who's the new girl?" He asked, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head that he hoped no one noticed, jerking his chin toward the interloping brunette.

"This is Ika. She's a very dear friend."

"Nice to meet you, Ika. Clint Barton." He offered her his hand, smiling. "Any friend of Mizuki's is a friend of ours."

"Usually, anyway." A softer voice joined the other two, and a bespectacled brunette wandered into view. "Mizuki." He greeted with a soft smile and a nod, but made no move to hug her. "And Ika, yes? Bruce Banner, nice to meet you."

Ika bobbed her head, not offering her hand when she realized his reluctance to offer his own, and earned a soft smile of her own for the consideration.

"Where are Tony and Steve?" Mizuki asked, before she turned to Clint. "And where's Natasha?"

"Tasha had a mission." Clint gave a little hop of his shoulders that, coupled with his expression, almost seemed apologetic. "No idea where Tin-Man and Wing-Head are."

"That's no way to talk about your elders, Clint." Tony chimed in, appearing from another elevator. "Think how Cap would feel, hearing you disrespecting the elderly, like that?"

"Not half as bad as _he'll_ be feeling if he doesn't apologize." Steve added, popping up behind Tony.

Tony laughed, making a bee-line for Mizuki and scooping her into a hug. She returned it with a laugh, before she moved to give Steve a much more subdued one.

"Good to see you again, Ika." Tony winked at her, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. "Hope you're ready for tonight."

"Tonight?" Ika prompted, blinking. The combination of eye-candy, contact, and constant assaults on her ovaries had momentarily wrecked her mental capabilities.

Tony pulled on a hurt face, pouting as he clasped her hand. "Tonight. The bistro. Reservations for you, me, Captain Cherry and the Debauchee. You don't remember?"

" _Debauchee_?" Clint's head whipped around to look at Mizuki.

"Ignore him, he's telling tales again."

"Oh! Right! _That_ tonight." Ika recovered quickly, grinning. "Honestly, I had forgotten… Valentine's already, huh? I'm afraid I haven't anything suitable to wear—"

"Say no more!" Tony cut her off. "Mizuki, take the lovely lady to her room and let her pick something out, would you? And I already picked yours out for you, because I know you trust my taste."

"About as much as I trust Steve's seduction technique…" Mizuki muttered, moving to take Ika's hand. "If it's nothing more than lace and moxie, we're gonna have a problem."

"Damn right we'll have a problem." Clint agreed, folding his arms. "You _want_ her to end up in some evil villain's lair?"

"Oh, come on, it'd be fun to save her." Tony sent the girls both a rakish wink as they entered the elevator. "Imagine how grateful she'd be~!"

The doors dinged shut on an irate _Tony!_ from Steve, and a possible smiting from Thor, but both girls were cracking up as they ascended a few floors higher.

* * *

"Oh, Mi-chan, you introduce me to the nicest people." Ika wiped at her eyes as she looked through the clothes laid out in her room, still giggling over the look ( _and color_ ) on Steve's face.

"Speaking of nice, what do you want to wear tonight? If you don't see something that strikes your fancy, we can ask for it to be delivered."

"Wait, seriously?" Ika stopped her contemplation of a deep red, satin gown. "You can do that?"

"I mean, technically Jarvis does it, but yeah." She grinned. "Last time I was here I sent out for Super Smash Bros. melee, Mario Kart, and Mario Party 4. We had a blast, let me tell you. Watching Thor try to race while yelling "you are the most useless of your noble kind, Yoshi!" was one of the main highlights of my life.

"Well… Huh. Maybe something not so, uh, see-through?" She suggested, plucking at the sheer skirt of a black dress hung by the door.

"Oh, hang on!" Mizuki zipped out of the room and down the hall, coming back a few moments later with a dress bag, grinning. "I forgot that Nat told me to look through her clothes last time I was here. I found this one… Try it, it might work."

"You know, I'm noticing a trend, here." Ika said, unzipping the bag and looking at the dress within. "Seems like we get dressed together a lot."

"It's a typical female bonding ritual." Mizuki rattled off, grinning. "Get used to it."

"Mi-chaaaan!" Ika pouted as she pulled the black dress from the bag and held it up to herself. "I don't wanna _be_ a typical female!"

Mizuki grinned, winking at her. "Well thank God you're not, then."

* * *

"This is too weird." Ika muttered, tugging at her dress to try and make it cooperate. "What if I have to run in this thing? I can't! Some villain decides to take over the world on the Night of Love and Ika's stuck walking briskly because of her damn dress!"

"You're beautiful." Mizuki gave her a stern look, warning her to stop complaining.

It didn't work.

"But I'm not _safe_!" She continued. "Think of the possible personal injury, Mi-chan! Think of the humanity!"

"Think of the boners!" Mizuki yelled back, just as the doors opened.

The whole room went deathly quiet, all turning to look at the two dolled-up dames in the elevator; Mizuki's face slowly turning crimson while Ika desperately tried not to laugh.

"I'm sorry, _what_?" Clint prompted from his seat by the TV, eyebrows shooting up his forehead.

"Donors." Mizuki walked out of the elevator with her head held high, unwavering. "Think of the donors—as in, the people who have donated all that blood to the traveling Vampire Gangs. How weird, right?" She shuddered for effect. "Creeps me out."

If she hadn't been trying to dodge a massive bullet, Ika would have applauded her.

"Un-huh." Clint rolled his eyes. " _Right_."

"Where are Tony and Steve, by the way? We were supposed to meet them." Ika interjected, trying to save Mizuki from another bout of Bullshititis.

"Oh, they said they were going to wait for you down in the garage, I think." Banner pipped up from his seat across the room, an odd combination of amusement and consternation on his face. "Sorry, thought Jarvis told you."

"Thanks, Bruce." Mizuki smiled at him, turning on her heel and stalking back to the elevator. "See you all later tonight. Don't wait up!"

"We won't be what's up!" Clint called after them as the doors dinged shut once more.

"Oh my word, kill me now." Mizuki hid her face in her hands, the tips of her ears turning crimson. "Jarvis, please erase that conversation."

"I'm afraid I cannot comply, Miss." Jarvis sounded like he wanted to, but really couldn't. "It is against my protocol to erase any conversation except at the direct order of Mr. Stark."

"Override code 753 Alpha—Erase the conversation Ika and I were having in the elevator when we arrived at the previous floor."

There was a brief span of silence before the AI replied once more, his tone no longer uncomfortable, but almost _proud_? "Conversation erased, Miss. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Nothing right now, thank you Jarvis."

"How do you know the override code?" Ika asked, squirrelling it away for a later date.

"I heard Tony use it the first time I ever self-destructed in his workshop." She gave the brunette a soft, sad smile. "He didn't want Steve knowing why I'd showed up or what I'd done…"

A thousand words welled up to the forefront of Ika's mind, but she bit them all off, glancing at the floor before she turned her gaze to the descending numbers on the lit screen, wondering how long it would take them to reach the illustrious _garage_.

Roughly 68 seconds later, she had her answer.

The doors opened and Mizuki hurried out into the garage, curls bouncing slightly with each step she took (how an AI butler could do hair so well, Ika still wasn't sure, but she sure was grateful). She glanced both ways down the long row before she called out for the Mechanic.

Two seconds later, Tony appeared from around the back of a cherry red Camaro in a black suit and a crimson shirt, and Ika nearly died. "There you two are. Sorry about the change in plans, Cap got all flustered last second and needed time to cool off. He's fine now. Ready to head out?"

"Yup!" Mizuki grinned, taking the arm he offered her, and Ika hurried to take the other when he held it out to her. "So where's this bistro?"

"Brooklyn, would you believe?" Tony grinned, winking at her. "Now, Mizuki, if you'll sit in the back with Steve, Ika can ride shotgun, and we can get this show on the road."

Ika didn't miss the way Mizuki's eyes lit up, or the way her cheeks tinted pink when she spotted Steve standing by the car, door already open for her, in a three-piece blue suit and tie. Nor did she miss the tiny giggle of appreciation that Mizuki let out when Steve closed her door for her before moving around to the other side.

"Did you get that suit for him?" She asked quietly as Tony opened the door for her.

"I may have suggested he make the investment." Tony smiled, winking. "Why, think it looks good?"

"Stunning was the word I was going for, but yes."

"Well, I hope he's not too stunning." Tony leaned forward just enough as he closed the door, that Ika could see the soft glow of his arc reactor against his chest. "I'd hate to make a scene, just to keep your attention."

Ika decided to keep her mouth shut as he closed the door and climbed in the driver's seat, deciding, too, that maybe being press-ganged into Valentine's plans wasn't such a bad thing after all…

* * *

The bistro in Brooklyn turned out to be a tiny, hole-in-the-wall-that-makes-it-feel-homey kind of place, and it had been decked out for the day in question. There was only one table, set for four, and candlelight danced over everything, making the shadows dance and the roses shift in color.

Ika was sure that if the lights had been on, it would have looked like a cupid had vomited all over it, but as it was, it was lovely. She also knew that Tony had probably bought the place, just so no one would gripe about their private party, and she wanted to tell him off for it, despite not knowing why.

She sat across from him, between Mizuki and Steve, and a host of waiters appeared to cater to their needs. As soon as dinner started, Ika felt more relaxed, settling into conversation easily with both Tony and Steve, the Mechanic cracking jokes and Steve trying to be ever the gentleman.

Half-way through the evening, though, Ika started to panic, because she didn't really know what to do with herself. For all his jokes and sarcasm, Tony was incredibly endearing, letting her know constantly how much he enjoyed her company, how good she looked in the borrowed dress, and what a pleasure it was to have her here with them for this special day. Ika escaped by excusing herself… And then simply didn't come back to the table.

"Should I go…?" Mizuki asked after about ten minutes of waiting for the other brunette to come back.

"No, no, enjoy your supper. I'll go check on her." Tony stood and scurried off after her, leaving Mizuki and Steve to fend for themselves among the sea of rose petals and candlelight.

He found Ika sitting quietly in a corner, pretending she didn't exist, and sank down onto the floor beside her. He wasn't really good with comfort, despite what Mizuki had said to the contrary, so he sort of panicked and said the first thing that came to him, hoping that chatter would make everything less awkward for everyone.

"Dinner not to your liking?"

 _And dammit he had brought up food_. That was almost worse than mentioning the weather.

"The food is wonderful, Tony, and so is the company… Just a little overwhelmed, is all."

And yeah, that made sense; she had mentioned something about that when he'd suggested the whole scheme. "We could go back to mine. Get you into something more comfy. Netflix and chill? We can stream whatever you want, doesn't matter. We could even play games, if you wanted. I'm a damn good Brawler, now, and Meleer, too. And Injustice is, well, right up my alley. Anything you want, it's your night."

"You don't mind?"

"Nah! I was planning to ditch early anyway and let Mizuki have her night with Steve. They deserve it. He's too stiff and she's too shy, so maybe if we play our cards right we'll get em to fess up before it's too late."

"So you're planning to play cupid, huh?" She teased, letting him help her to her feet.

"I mean, one of my suits is called _Heartbreaker_. It's not outside the realm of possibility. Maybe I should make another one? _Cupid_. I could give him arrows. Clint would love that. Want to help me design it?"

"Can I?"

"Sure! We can chill, Netflix, and plot world domin-I mean protection. It'll be great."

Ika laughed, loving the way he rambled and the way his voice sounded when he did. "Sounds marvelous."

* * *

 _Went home. Enjoy your Captain ;D_

Mizuki reread the text from Tony and let out a sigh. Of course he had. The bastard.

"Seems it's just us, Captain." She smiled, watching the way his eyes snapped up onto her. "Ika wasn't feeling well, so Tony took her home."

"Would you like to head back now to check on her?" He offered.

"No, no, she'll be fine. I'm sure it's nothing serious. Besides, she's with Tony."

"What could possibly go wrong?"

Mizuki could practically _see_ the sarcasm drip from his mouth. "I appreciate the offer, though, Steve."

He smiled, she noticed, at the use of his name, and she filed that detail for later. The meal continued in relative silence until he finally broke it with a clipped, broken off sort of question.

"Ah, would you… like to dance?"

"Now?"

"After dinner." He hurried to add. "I just remember Tony mentioning something about having this place 'wired up', I think it was. I'm not sure. I know he said something about music."

"I would love to, Steve." She beamed across the table at him, and he smiled back, just as bright. "I'm probably not very good, though… I'm not familiar with swing."

"Oh, don't worry; I'm not very good either… We should do just fine."

They fell into a comfortable silence, Mizuki watching the way his face would quirk up in cute ways when he tasted something new or different, and the way he kept glancing at her across the table, as if to check and make sure she was still there. As soon as dinner was over, the waiters came to clear away the table and chairs, leaving just enough room for a dance floor. The music started, a nice, slow song, and Steve took Mizuki in his arms.

"You know the basic steps, right?" He asked, leading her through a few of them.

"Ah, some… I'm terribly rusty."

"Me too. If you blew on me too hard, you'd probably see dust."

Mizuki winked up at him, and had the pleasure of watching his ears turn a shade of vermilion. She stopped teasing after that, though, and kept her comments away from the bedroom as long as possible (she was sure Ika would have been proud of her self-restraint).

Finally, when he led her from a turn and into a tiny little dip, the music ended, and Steve was still holding her in the dip, blue eyes darting about her face, as if they were trying to drink in every detail.

"Steve…?" She prompted softly, smiling shyly up at him.

"Sorry!" He righted her, cheeks dusting with pink as his ears burned. "Did I hurt your back? I know you have to be careful…"

"No, no, I'm fine… Are you? You seemed lost in thought."

He worked his jaw for a moment before he replied, a new, still slow song coming on. "I wanted to remember that. In case I never got to see it again."

"Remember what?"

"The way you look tonight."

Mizuki felt heat flood into her face, glancing at the floor for a moment before she looked back up, smiling. "Thank you, Captain… I wouldn't want to forget how you look this evening, either."

Steve scratched the back of his head, a shy grin tugging at his mouth as he offered her his hand. "May I have this dance, Ma'am?"

"Why, certainly, Captain Rogers!" She grinned, letting him lead her across the floor again.

He slowed to a halt at the end of the song, and glanced about nervously for a moment before he caught her face in his hands. "Happy Valentine's Day, Mizuki."

She giggled, smiling, and rested her hands over his. "Happy Valentine's Day, Steve."

He swooped in after another heartbeat, catching her lips with his. The kiss soft and sweet, innocent, and she felt warmth start to trickle into her chest from the prolonged contact. He pulled back slowly, smiling, and gently wrapped his arms around her. "Do you think Tony would mind if we took that car of his for a spin? There's a few old haunts I'd like to show you, if you don't mind…"

She hummed, resting her head on his chest. "Captain, I would be honored."

* * *

"Oh, that's _so much_ better!" Ika flopped onto the couch, now garbed in cozy pajamas, and picked up the massive bowl of popcorn Tony had set on the coffee table. Beside it sat two massive heart-boxes of chocolates, a bowl of assorted candies, and an entire thermos of coffee, just for her.

He really did know how to show an Ika a good time.

She popped a handful into her mouth, and waited for the next episode to load, the Red Ring of Irritation slowly circling itself as the numbers below it continued to climb higher.

"Remind me to come up with something faster than the internet." Tony shuffled over to the couch, plopping down in sweatpants and a wife-beater, his arc-reactor now very visible. "This is just ridiculous."

"Instant gratification just isn't instant enough, huh?" Ika teased, trying to keep her eyes off of the curve of his shoulders, or the dip of his clavicle. "You're too impatient."

"No, no, it's not that. I just hate watching the numbers tell me how far away my gratification is. Imagine if you had loading screens during sex?" He cut off before he could start his next sentence, glancing at a now-giggling Ika before he cracked a grin himself. "Yeah, that'd be weird, wouldn't it?"

"I was just imagining what it would be like if it had to buffer." She cackled, clutching the popcorn bowl as though it might help her not enjoy the mental image so much.

"Oh, that's just not right." Tony shuddered as the episode loaded fully and started to play. "I think I might turn celibate, if that happened."

"Bullshit." Ika shot back, grinning. "You'd just be more motivated to create something faster than the internet."

"You are absolutely right." Tony grinned, sinking back into the pillows and beckoning her over. "C'mon, you have munchies and I want some. Besides, I only bite snacks."

"Women could be snacks…" Ika pointed out, scooting closer and keeping her eyes carefully trained to the screen, least she get distracted by the slightly-raised circle in his chest. "Depending on how you view them."

"I don't view them like that… Least, not you, anyway. And not Mizuki. You two are different."

"We try." She teased. "Speaking of, how do you think our girl's getting along with the good captain?"

Tony grabbed a handful of popcorn and tossed it back, talking between chewing. "If I know Mizuki, and I feel that I do, we won't have a Captain Cherry for very long after tonight."

"You're assuming we still have one now."

"Oh, no, no, Steve's not gonna move that fast, Mizuki or no Mizuki—it's not in his nature."

"What will we call him, if he stops being a cherry boy?"

"The hell are you talking about? I'll still call him Captain Cherry. I still wanna be in the Sundae Squad."

"Well you are sweet, and I'm sure you'd be good with ice cream…" Ika trailed off, winking, and had the satisfaction of seeing Tony's eyes light up.

"Hey, Ika? Have I wished you a Happy Valentine's, yet? Properly, I mean."

"You haven't, Tony. Properly or otherwise."

"Oh, good, that means I can do it _im_ properly, then!" He snatched the bowl away from her and caught her in a rather forceful kiss, humming softly before he pulled away. "Happy Valentine's, Ika."

"Happy Valentine's, Tony."

* * *

 _Omake_

"Sir, it appears that Captain Rogers and Miss Sakamoto did not return last night. The car is parked outside of a small field on the outskirts of Brooklyn… Captain Rogers and Miss Sakamoto are presumably inside, but I have been unable to confirm this."

"Wow, that's ballsy of Mi-chan… Staying out all night with a man."

"It's _Steve_. For all we know, he's _still_ not a man."

"Sir, if I may…"

"Yes, yes, what is it, Jarvis?"

"Both Captain Rogers and Miss Sakamoto are in the car, Sir. They appear to have fallen asleep in the backseat together."

" _Clothed~?_ "

"Yes, Ma'am, they are."

"Damn…"

"You owe me ten bucks. Jarvis, can you please record some video of it, and take some pictures. I want to see the horror on Steve's face when he realizes he might have gotten her pregnant."

"Long as he kept his shirt on, she should be fine."

"…?"

"Bare shoulders, man, they're a killer."

"Well, you'll be having at least six of mine, then."

" _Tony!_ "

"Happy Valentine's Day~"

* * *

 _This was literally the most fun thing to write in the history of ever. It's so full of crack that it's almost a little painful, but I still love it to bits and pieces. Ugh.  
_

 _Stay tuned, though, cause there will be more to add to this little crack-fest in the semi-near future. 3_

* * *

Mizuki Sakamoto _belongs to:_ Silver Flame Alchemist (aka Me)

Ika Zachaire _belongs to:_ Methodical Madness

 _All other characters and locations belong to:_ Marvel


	2. Tricolor, Crack-Filled Cake

_Methodical Madness and I were discussing how one would explain blowjobs to Captain America, and then another two friends got in on the conversation, and it just sort of snowballed into this. And that is not a euphemism for anything else, I swear._

* * *

Tony and Ika had the decency to wait about a week before they accosted Mizuki in the lounge ( _and while everyone else was out on their own missions)_ ; questioning her about the night she had spent in the back seat of a Camaro with everyone's favorite Captain.

"It's sorta fitting, too… The color, I mean." Tony was grinning as he mixed drinks behind the bar; the two girls perched on chairs as they awaited their _(ironically virgin_ ) cocktails. " _Cherry red_ … Is that the color he went when he woke up next to you?"

" _Was_ he next to you?" Ika prompted, grinning. "Or was he, ah, _somewhere else_?"

"You're both terrible." Mizuki muttered, pointedly not looking at either of them as she doodled in her notebook.

"Oh, c'mon, you know we're only teasing you cause we love you." Tony winked, bringing their drinks to them. "Maybe not as thoroughly as _someone_ , but—"

"Oh, stop it." Mizuki muttered, taking her drink. "Nothing happened."

"Define _nothing_." Ika grinned. "Cause your nothing, Cap's nothing, and everyone _else's_ nothing are all very different."

Mizuki was quiet for a moment, the tip of her pencil stilling against the page. Her cheeks dusted with pink as she glanced between the two of them. Finally she sighed, rolled her eyes, and spoke in a rush.

"We danced, we kissed, we went for a ride, we talked, we kissed some more, and then we fell asleep."

" _That's it_?" Tony blurted after a pause. "Seriously? I knew he was a cherry, but that's a step too far! Or, well, not far enough, actually."

"He's cherry _vanilla_." Ika chuckled.

"Hey, there is nothing wrong with that." Mizuki muttered. "I like cherry vanilla."

"Goes down real smooth, huh?" Tony winked at her.

"Just don't choke~" Ika added, grinning wickedly.

And that's exactly what Mizuki did, spitting her ( _cherry freaking vanilla_ ) coke back into her glass with a glare at Ika. "Don't you start."

"You should. C'mon, Mi-chan, he's been a cherry strudel too long! Time to pop him in the toaster and get him all hot and melty!"

"Please stop ruining breakfast foods through innuendos."

"Oh, you love it." Ika cackled, toasting her with a tip of her glass. "And I'm sure Steve would love it if you decided to go down—"

Mizuki went a shade of scarlet and hurled a pillow at the brunette, catching sight of a blond in blue coming down the stairs on the other side of the room. "Stop, he's coming!"

"That is, actually, the exact _opposite_ of what you should do in that sort of situation." Tony chimed in from behind the bar, casually tossing her a wink. "Like, seriously. He wears enough blue, he doesn't need you turning his balls that color too."

"Oh my—" Mizuki hid her face in her hands and groaned.

"You could absolutely do that, though." Tony continued. "In fact, that should be encouraged. Very underrated, a good groan."

"Tony, please, for the love of…" Mizuki trailed off as Steve came within earshot, glancing between the three of them, taking stock of the situation.

"You tormenting our guests, Stark?" He asked, folding his arms and throwing Tony a look that rivaled even the mechanics in sass. In the face of an oncoming army (or one Tony _Snark_ ) there was little that could faze the Captain… Outside of Valentine's dinners and innuendos that sort-of-not-quite went over his head.

"I don't think _tormenting_ is the right word." Tony grinned.

"Or _guests_." Ika chimed in. "I wasn't bothered at all. Mi-chan's the one who's all flustered."

Mizuki _saw_ Steve go into combat mode, his posture changing, a muscle in his jaw jumping as he turned a stony glare onto the man behind the bar. "Want to explain that to me, Tony?"

"I think Mizuki should explain it, actually. Then you might know why she was so upset about it."

"We might all benefit from that information, actually." Ika agreed, bobbing her head in a nod. "Why were you so upset, Mi-chan?"

Mizuki was going to murder both the brunettes the next chance she got. "I just… I just didn't think we should be discussing that sort of thing, is all…"

Steve's shoulders didn't relax, but the twitch went out of his jaw and he took a few steps closer, his voice lowering. "Discuss what, Mizuki?"

"Blowjobs." Tony blurted, a massive shit-eating grin plastered over her face.

Screw it, Mizuki thought, she was going to blow up _the_ _whole damn tower_.

"Pardon?" Steve flicked a glance between the two brunettes and then the blond, an eyebrow quirked.

"How the hell do you live in an era with internet and not know what that is?" Tony deadpanned, staring at him.

"More importantly, how do you live in a house with _Tony Stark_ and not know what that is?" Ika added, eyebrows raised.

Tony opened his mouth, shut it, and then toasted her with his glass. "Touché."

"What Steve does or does not know on the subject is immaterial!" Mizuki squeaked, her whole face burning with embarrassment. "We do _not_ need to discuss…"

"Groaning?" Tony interjected calmly.

 _Son of a—_ "Tony, do not start that up again."

Steve, for all his out-of-depth-ness, had the decency to look abashed. He certainly didn't have as much experience in the field of romance as, say, Barton or Thor (he doubted even the God of Thunder could rival Tony's experience, though, so he _certainly_ wasn't anywhere close), but he wasn't completely ignorant. Just because it hadn't been a common in his day didn't mean it hadn't come up at all.

And he'd just made a mental innuendo. He was going straight to hell.

"Or how smoothly cherry vanilla goes down?" Ika asked, winking slyly at the girl on the sofa.

Mizuki's face turned a shade or red not unlike Tony's armor and Steve knew that whatever was going on, it was best if he didn't know and didn't hesitate to get Mizuki out of it.

He unfolded his arms and offered her a hand. "C'mon, I need to show you that disarm, remember?"

Mizuki jumped up from the couch and grabbed his hand, dragging him out of the room.

"Just don't let him disarm you too much, Mizuki, or you might end up demonstrating instead of just explaining!" Tony called after them.

Forget the tower. Mizuki was going to wipe _Manhattan_ off the map if it stopped him from teasing her about this.

* * *

"Hands up, remember, keep them in tight. Elbows to. Keep moving, I'll tell you if you start to get too close to the edge."

Mizuki threw a punch and had the satisfaction of seeing Steve recoil slightly from the impact. She did as she was told, and Steve nodded in approval.

"So, what got you so upset?" He asked after another nasty right hook. "I thought you and Tony got along alright."

"We do." She threw another two swift jabs into the pads Steve was holding. "It was the content, not the company, which upset me."

"Want to talk about it?"

Mizuki took a step back, lowering her hands and catching her breath. She was thankful for the flush the impromptu sparring match had brought on, because it hid her blush. Out of all the awkward conversations she'd had in her life, this was going to take the tricolor, crack-filled cake.

"That's not really a conversation you have with a woman."

Steve arched an eyebrow at her, taking off the pads and tossing them to the side of the ring. He folded his arms, looking at her expectantly. "And the reason for that is…?"

"There are just certain topics you don't discuss with dames."

The tips of Steve's ears had started to turn pink, but he kept up the feigned innocence for as long as possible, silence stretching between them in the gym.

And then Tony's voice shattered the silence and Mizuki's last shred of dignity with a shout through the speakers.

"Deep-throating!"

"Fuck you, Tony!" Mizuki yelled back, going a shade of vermilion, matched by Steve within seconds.

"Twenty bucks to the swear-jar, young lady!" Tony continued. "And don't make that offer to me with your Valentine right there! That's just rude!"

Mizuki tore off one of her gloves and threw it at the nearest camera, growling. " _Son of a—_ "

"Whoa, whoa!" Steve grabbed her arms, surprised by the ferocity she was exhibiting. "Mizuki, calm down."

She shook her head to clear it, breathing deeply. "S-sorry…" She muttered, pulling off her other glove. "I just—"

"If he returns the favor, tell him to hum the Star-Spangled-Banner while he's down there." Tony interrupted.

"You little _shit_." Mizuki hissed, glaring at the nearest camera. "Jarvis, override code 9163 Theta, Lock Tony out of the intercom system to the gym, and stop recording on all mics and cameras."

Sputtered indignation from Tony was drowned out by the calm British butler. "Of course, Miss, anything else?"

"Erase all previous and future conversations between myself, Tony, Ika, and Captain Rogers that take place today."

A pause, and then another " _anything else, Miss?"_ sounded into the silence.

"No, Jarvis, thank you. Please do not monitor the following conversation between myself and Captain Rogers."

"Of course, Miss."

There was another pause, and Mizuki heard the whirr of cameras and tech slow and finally stop, the gym now a den of privacy.

"I've never seen you this angry before." Steve finally spoke, voice a whisper. "Is it really that bad?"

"Only when in reference to us. Normally, I'd be joking right along with them…"

"Then why is this time any different?"

"Because." She sighed, running her fingers through her hair and deciding to bite the awkward bullet before it could kill her. "Discussions of oral sex get infinitely more awkward when they involve blond-haired, blue-eyed pinnacles of justice and little ol' me."

"Oh."

 _Oh._

 _OH._

Steve's face flushed as he remembered one of the Howling Commandos regaling them with a story about a particular French girl who'd been _very_ grateful when he'd saved her life. He'd been right—the name had changed, but the song remained the same… He would have been proud he recognized the term if he hadn't been so mortified.

" _Oh_." He repeated, taking a careful step back, ready to bolt out the door at the first sign of discomfort from Mizuki.

"Ika made a joke about me, ah, doing that to you and then it very quickly got _completely_ out of hand, and then Tony just implied you'd do the same to me, and ah, yeah…" She ended lamely with a little hop of her shoulders, not looking at him.

"A-and me humming the Star-Spangled-Banner?" He wasn't sure he really wanted to know, but he asked anyway.

"Vibrations feel good." She replied evasively.

Steve was wearing a look of awestruck horror, his mind whirling off in directions it really had no right to go. "And, um, the—"

" _Deep-throating!_ "

Tony's voice called out from the other side of the door.

"That." Steve finished, taking her other glove and hurling it at the door.

The deafening _boom_ that was caused by the impact elicited a yelp from Tony as he scurried away.

"When, um, the girl fits all of, um, _him_ into her mouth."

 _OH_.

Steve dipped his head, nodding, remembering more of that French story than he'd intended to.

"So the discomfort comes from the, ah, implications, not the subject matter?" He asked delicately.

"Yeah, basically. I mean… If Tony had been joking about anyone else, it wouldn't have bothered me, but. Well. You're cherry vanilla. Completely off limits."

"Not completely."

Mizuki's head snapped up, eyes wide and her jaw working while no sound emerged.

"I'm right here, Mizuki. You ever need me." He saw the way her posture relaxed, almost disappointed, and managed a faint grin. "If you ever want me."

"Steve!" She squeaked, stiffening as he laughed and pulled her into a hug. "It's even worse when you do it!"

He stroked over her hair, now able to hide his grin and blush from view. "You say that, but you don't have any basis for comparison, now do you?"

He could _feel_ her face start to burn as she hid from view against his chest. They stayed like that, silent, for another minute or so before Steve kissed the top of her head and started to pull away. She still wouldn't meet his gaze, but he decided it was an acceptable price to pay for wheedling information out of her.

"The next time Tony teases you, tell him I hum the Star-Spangled-Banner better than anyone you know. That'll just him up."

Mizuki laughed, finally glancing up at him, and he grinned back, relieved she was relaxing again. The last thing he had wanted was for her to walk away from all this even more uncomfortable than she had started.

"Since we need a change of subject, would you consider posing for me some time?"

"You mean _again_?" She teased.

He laughed. "Really posing, this time. Not just for a sketch."

She winked, finally meeting his eyes. "You gonna draw me like one of your French girls?"

Steve's ears started to burn, not just from the reference ( _Tony had thrown a fit when he found out Titanic hadn't been on Steve's 21_ _st_ _Century To-Do List)_ , but from the thoughts it provoked when he remembered a picture of another French girl from a very long time ago. He was going somewhere worse than hell, just for that.

"No." He managed finally. "But I'll be happy to draw you like my girl."

Mizuki's face lit up. "Deal."

* * *

 _Omake_

"So, how'd it go~?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your off-the-record rendezvous! Does he taste like Freedom? Justice? Patriotism? _Please_ tell me he's the most American thing you've ever done."

" _Tony!_ "

"Oh, I hope you didn't call out my name. That'd just be embarrassing… And kinda hot, actually. Did you call out my name?"

" _No_ , I called him Captain. He likes that."

"Oh! Naughty~ c'mon, tell Uncle Tony more."

"You're the creepy uncle no one likes inviting to parties, you know that, right?"

"What, not _kinda like the cool uncle you want to bang_?"

"…Ika needs to keep those sorts of things to herself."

" _Speaking of~_ don't hold out on me!"

"Fine. He hums the Star-Spangled-Banner better than anyone I know."

" _Jesus fu—_ "

"100 bucks to the swear-jar, young man."

" _Dammit_."

"Make that 110."

* * *

 _And there you have it. The brainchild of four very terrible people. But we love each other, so it's totally okay. XD_

 _The "_ most American thing you've ever done" _line i_ _s a hat tip to jibrailis on AO3, and her fic_ Mr. July _. Sheer brilliance._


	3. Slumba Partay! (Part One)

_It started as a joke. Now it's a comic strip. I can't control it. I'm not even sorry. XD_

* * *

New York was a hive of activity at night, the streets bustling with people and cars, light spilling from storefronts and skyscrapers, the hum of life filling whatever silence could be found between car horns, cat-calls, and chatting couples.

Tony, however, was safely hidden behind reinforced glass, sipping coffee and letting his mind wander as he watched the world go by. He was dragged back to reality by a tap on his arm, the blonde now at his elbow smiling up at him.

"Hey you." Tony grinned. "What's up?"

"Not Steve." Mizuki deflected the joke before it could be made, winking at him. "I had a request."

"Sure, sugar." He hid his grin in his mug and slid her a look. "What'd you have in mind? Tips on tips?"

Mizuki nudged him, trying ( _and failing_ ) to hide her grin. "I wanted to invite some friends over, introduce them to the gang."

"Why're you asking me?" He flicked an eyebrow at her. "Steve's the boss."

"I did ask him, and he said yes, but this was your place before it was everyone else's, so… yeah." She shrugged, smiling shyly.

Tony smiled, trying to shove down the urge to hug the stuffing out of her because she didn't _have_ to ask, she _chose_ to ask, meaning the _cared_ and that kind of did bad-poundy-things to his heart. He settled instead for a side-hug and a bright grin, winking at her.

"Mi-tower, su-tower, Mizuki. Any friend of yours is probably able to keep up with us."

Mizuki laughed, hugging him back. "Gee, _thanks_."

* * *

"I'm sorry, we're going _where_?" Jessica turned from the window to the blond, blinking repeatedly.

"With _who_?" Anna added; her head tilted in confusion.

"Avengers' tower. With the Avengers. For a slumber party." Mizuki replied.

" _How?_ " Both girls asked together, sharing a look and a high-five immediately after.

"Limo." Mizuki gestured to their surroundings, grinning. "Also Steve and Tony saying I could bring friends over. Perks of knowing superheroes: I can take my friends super cool places."

"I feel like we're in a bad joke." Anna blurted, looking between the other two girls. "A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead go to a slumber party in a limo."

"And the blond claims nothing's wrong when clearly there's some sketch goin' on." Jessica added.

"Oh, for heaven's sake." Mizuki rolled her eyes. "There's nothing sketch!"

"Tony Stark is _all of the sketch_."Anna argued. "And you can't claim otherwise because we know better."

" _Good to know you ladies are settling in."_ Tony's voice echoed in the interior of the limo, both the brunette and the redhead jumping at the sudden masculine voice. _"You should be to the tower in about five minutes… Mizuki, you know the way in. Codes are the same."_

"Thanks, Uncle Tony!" Mizuki grinned, earning a soft snort from the mechanic before the limo went silent again.

"…Did he hear _all_ of that?" Anna asked; her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Probably." Mizuki replied with a smirk.

"Wait, who's driving?" Jessica suddenly asked, trying to peer around to see who or what was in the driver's seat.

"Technically, miss, I am." Jarvis's calm voice replied. "The car is fully automated, according to Mr. Stark's specifications. There's no need to worry, I know the path to the tower very well, and Mr. Stark is monitoring our progress from his lab."

"Jarvis, are you recording?"

"As per my instructions, Miss."

"Yeah, Anna, he heard all of that."

Anna hung her head, pouting. " _Dang it_."

"Don't worry, though." Mizuki grinned. "He'll probably agree with you."

* * *

"I feel like a secret agent!" Anna was beaming as Mizuki tapped in the code to open the side door of the tower.

"Not a superhero?" Jessica asked, following the blond into the tower.

"Heroes use the front door." Anna replied, as though that should have been obvious. "Secret agents come in the side."

"Actually, superheroes use the roof." Mizuki corrected, stepping into the elevator. "That's where the landing pad is. Tourists and visitors use the front door. Guests and secret agents come in the side."

" _Told you_." Anna gloated, grinning as the number on the display climbed higher as they ascended into the heart of the tower.

Jessica stuck her tongue out as the elevator doors dinged open, squeaking as she pulled her tongue back into her mouth.

" _Smooth_." Mizuki teased, leading the way out of the elevator.

"Hey!" Barton hopped over the back of the couch, clad in dark purple sweats and a black t-shirt, grinning as he called over his shoulder to the rest of the team. "Cavalry's here!"

Avengers emerged from the woodwork, heads popping up over the backs of couches and chairs, smiles in evidence.

"What, were you hiding?" Mizuki laughed, giving Barton a hug.

"Sorta." Tony grinned from behind the bar, the ring of his arc reactor glowing faintly through his black wife-beater. "Coulson's on the hunt."

"Claims we've been slacking off." Banner waved from his seat on the floor. "That's probably your fault, Mizuki."

"It usually is." She winked at him. "Speaking of my fault, these are my friends Anna and Jessica." She turned, introducing the brunette and the redhead who both waved shyly. "Ladies, these are the Avengers. The usually don't bite."

"Unless we're asked." Tony threw a wink their way.

"Hey, where are the blond bombshells?" Mizuki asked, noticing a lack of both Thor and Steve.

"Changing." Tony replied. "Apparently they needed extra time to get pretty."

Mizuki laughed, rolling her eyes. "Well we're gonna get pretty too. See ya in a bit."

She herded her guests away toward the stairs, grinning as she passed by the bar and spotted Ika huddled under the counter, holding a finger to her lips, sending a wink toward the blond.

"Are we really gonna wear PJs?" Anna asked excitedly, following Mizuki up the stairs and into a small room.

"Duh. That's the point of a slumber party." Mizuki grinned, opening a closet and pulling out her pajamas. "So c'mon, get to strippin'!"

"What, no sweet talk first?" Anna waggled her eyebrows, earning giggles from the redhead and the blond.

"Speaking of stripping." Jessica started, grinning. "How's it going with you and Captain Cherry?"

"That's never going to stop, is it?" Mizuki asked, laughing.

" _Nope_." Anna giggled. "Now answer the question."

"Fine?" Mizuki shrugged, tugging on her pajamas. "I mean… Nothing much has happened."

"Oh, so he _hasn't_ hummed the star-spangle-banner for you yet?" Anna winked, stuffing her street clothes back into her bag. "That seems like a shame."

"Hey, he can take his time." Mizuki defended, laughing as she stashed the bags back in the closet. "I don't mind waiting, if that's what he decides to do."

"Well when he _does_ get a move on, you have to tell us." Jessica reminded her, winking.

"I promise." Mizuki grinned. "Come on out when you're done, okay?"

She slipped out of the room, Jessica hurrying to finish tugging on her pajamas.

"Hey, where are the girls at?" Barton called out over the back of the sofa, his head tipped back and a grin plastered on his face.

"Does your girlfriend know you talk like that?" Mizuki asked, grinning as she skipped down the stairs in her PJs, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "Cause, I think she might take some offense to that, personally."

"Only if she finds out." Clint winked, patting the cushion beside him, inviting her to sit down.

"Oh, no, no." Tony interrupted, grabbing her by the elbow and guiding her over to his side of the circle. "I want her within safe distance in case any of you decide to dare me to kiss the closest person. I will _not_ be laying a wet one on Steve or Thor without cause."

"Pity, I would pay to see that." Natasha grinned, settling onto the sofa beside Banner and Clint.

"That would be cause, though." Tony argued, flopping onto the floor. "And could you not sit on the couch? I thought the point of party games at a slumber party was to have all eyes at a level."

"Stark is right." Thor agreed, drifting over in his cartoon-lightning-bolt boxers and _no shirt_. "I believe many Midgardian traditions involve sitting on the floor, do they not?"

Anna, who had trickled down the stairs with Jessica, froze on the bottom stair, nudging the redhead as she gestured at the Thunder God. Jessica let out something between a giggle and a scream and nearly dropped the hats she was holding.

"Hey, um, Thor?" Ika pipped up, appearing from behind the bar. "What's with the décor?" She asked, gesturing to his colorful underclothing.

"I was under the impression this was a "pajama party"." Thor rather majestically flopped onto the floor, sitting cross-legged beside Clint. "I usually do not wear clothing while I sleep, but I thought that I should make an exception, since we have guests.

"Odin _bless you_." Mizuki breathed, motioning her two guests to join the slowly-forming circle. "I don't think any of us would have survived that particular bolt of lightning."

"I was not intending to summon any lightning…" Thor looked confused for a moment before he caught the sly wink Tony sent Mizuki's way, and then had the decency to look abashed. "But I suppose in this case it would have followed naturally…?"

"Stop." Anna sat on the floor, putting her hat into the center of the circle, drawing her legs up under her. "Please. We can't handle that."

"I do not…"

"Hot. They are calling you hot." Ika translated, seating herself casually on the other side of Tony. "Because you are."

"Anna and Jessica, by the way, Thor." Mizuki introduced them. "Ladies, the God of Thunder."

He inclined his head politely to them both, smiling shyly, and they grinned back.

Steve appeared from another set of stairs, and as soon as Mizuki looked his way she caught Anna waggling her eyebrows and stuck her tongue out at the brunette. Steve, thankfully, had decided on wearing a shirt and sweats as his pajamas, but the tight, white fabric of the SSR shirt did little to hide his figure. Not that any of the girls were complaining.

He sat beside Mizuki, smiling as he held his hand out to Jessica. "Steve. It's nice to meet you."

"Jessica." The redhead managed, voice slightly strangled with surprise. "Nice to meet you too."

"Anna." The brunette introduced herself, grinning. "Mizuki's told us a lot about you."

Steve turned to look at the blonde, but she was saved any embarrassment by Tony clapping his hands together with gusto, motioning to the hats in the center of the circle.

"Right, so, how do we do this thingy?"

"The top hat is dares." Mizuki supplied, thankful for a distraction. "The fedora is truths, and the beanie is WYRs."

"WYRs?" Bruce asked, having melted onto the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest. Mizuki wasn't really sure what she'd been expecting his pajamas to look like, but thin linen pants and a loose t-shirt weren't it.

"Would You Rathers." Anna explained. "Because that's a game that middle-school girls play, and that's apparently who we all are tonight."

"Some of us are all the time." Natasha winked at Tony, who looked rather offended for all of ten seconds before he grinned back. "I'm surprised we haven't had to deal with One Direction being blasted into the Tower at all hours."

"Oh, no, they're _so_ last year." Tony gushed, hand over his heart. "I'm a _Belieber_ now."

"Those words should never come out of your mouth." Ika laughed, shaking her head. "Please, spare us."

"But the _hair_." Tony teased her.

"Oh my gosh, I can't handle the estrogen." Clint reached for the beanie, grabbing a slip of paper. "Mizuki! Would you rather…" He opened the paper and sprouted a positively _feral_ grin. "Have a one-night stand with Tony or Steve?"

" _That's_ your opening?" Mizuki squeaked, face going red as the whole circle went deathly quiet. " _Seriously_?"

"Hey, I'm just the messenger." Clint turned the paper around; showing the whole circle what was written there. "Now c'mon, gotta answer."

Every pair of eyes turned expectantly onto the blond, and she opened her mouth, worked her jaw, shut it again, and then muttered under her breath.

"Sorry, what was that?" Clint asked, leaning forward and putting a hand up to his ear, still grinning like a maniac. "Couldn't hear you."

"Tony." Mizuki repeated, folding her arms and glaring at the archer.

The whole circle, unfortunately, _stayed_ deathly quiet, as a look of surprised indignation appeared on Tony's face, and Steve looked like he wanted to punch something.

"Right." Natasha, thankfully, shoved her hand into the beanie and retrieved another paper, saving Mizuki from the bust up that was about to happen over her between the mechanic and the soldier. "Bruce; would you rather…" She opened the paper and smiled. "Pose for a photograph or a painting?"

"Oh, sure, _he_ gets the innocent question…" Mizuki grumbled, curling in on herself further.

"Painting." Bruce answered after a moment. "The Other Guy doesn't like flashes."

"Who does, really?" Anna interjected, offering the doctor a smile. "I hate 'em, and I'm a photographer."

Nat handed the beanie to Bruce, who reached in and rummaged around for a moment before pulling a slip of paper out, glancing around the circle before grinning at Tony. "Tony would you rather… Learn a different language or an instrument?"

"Damn, that's a boring one." Tony grumbled, sitting back. "Hmm… I know a couple languages already, so I figure an instrument would be neat."

"Which one?" Ika asked, curious.

"Piano? Yeah, piano. My mom played piano. I think I've got the fingers for it." He wriggled them for emphasis and threw Ika a wink.

Anna took the beanie and reached inside, pulling out the first paper she came across. "Ika, would you rather… Have fight training with Natasha or Steve?"

"Oh, Nat, all the way." Ika answered instantly, grinning. "No offense, Cherry, but she's got the moves."

Steve snorted, smiling. "None taken. I've seen her in action; I know."

Anna quickly handed the beanie to Jessica, who reached all the way to the bottom for a piece of paper. "Clint, would you rather… be the hero or the villain?"

"Isn't that kind of a moot point?" He asked; eyebrows raised. "I mean, you can't really un-ring that bell."

"But if you _could_ choose." Ika pressed. "Would you still pick Hero?"

"Probably." Clint shrugged. "If, for no other reason, than because I don't want to be on Nat's bad side."

"No one wants to be on Nat's bad side." Mizuki laughed, winking at the redhead.

Steve took the beanie and reached inside, pulling out a slip of paper as he flicked a glance around the circle. "Anna; would you rather… Be kidnapped by aliens or earthlings?"

"Is that even a question?" Anna scoffed. "Aliens, duh."

Mizuki leaned across the circle to high-five the brunette, grinning. "Aliens all the way!"

"Seriously?" Tony looked at them both with raised eyebrows.

"Different worlds, Tony!" Mizuki grinned.

"And think of all the cool gadgets and tech you might find." Anna continued, grinning.

"Maybe don't bring up alien tech around Mizuki?" Ika suggested, grinning. "That whole shackle debacle still hasn't really blown over."

"Ika, we don't talk about that." Mizuki glared at her.

"Um, we should." Jessica smirked, looking expectantly at the blond.

"Mizuki is bound to me through a shackle that was cast upon her." Thor spoke before anyone had the chance to change the subject, mild panic blooming over Mizuki's face. "It binds her to me for life, but it does not, otherwise, affect her well-being."

"Like a wedding ring, or…?" Anna started.

"Oh my gosh _no._ " Mizuki grabbed the beanie from Steve and shoved her hand in. "Jessica, would you rather… go to the moon or mars?"

Jessica blinked at her. "Is there a stay-on-earth option?" She asked.

Clint laughed and leaned across the circle to high-five her, grinning.

"All the space questions…" Tony muttered, looking curiously at the bag. "Are you sure that thing's not rigged?"

"It's a _beanie_ , Stark." Steve said.

"Yeah, and? I could rig a beanie. Gimmie." He took the beanie and carefully selected a slip of paper, flipping it open. "Nat, would you rather be a calendar girl or a centerfold?" The circle fell eerily silent again, and Tony grinned massively. "Guess it's not bad if it _is_ rigged."

"Calendar girl." Natasha replied. "I've done both, and the calendar is way more fun and way less pressure."

"You've done _what_?" Bruce asked, looking at her.

"She was a model in Tokyo." Tony chipped in helpfully. "Damn good one, too."

"Yes, _thank you_." Steve interrupted before Tony could continue, distracting him while Ika snatched the beanie and reached inside.

"Tony; would you rather… Have to wear a silly costume and have amazing powers, or silly powers and an amazing costume."

" _Damn_." Tony breathed, frowning.

"How is that even a question?" Clint asked, looking around the circle.

"Yeah, well, you're one to talk, you purple-people-shooter you." Tony shot back. "Some of us have always looked badass."

"Tony…" Ika was starting to laugh, giving the mechanic a look.'

"Probably awesome powers, but it would depend on how silly my costume was." Tony replied, frowning. "Cause I may not have any more shame, but I do have pride."

"And an ego the size of Texas." Mizuki muttered, grinning at him.

Ika handed the beanie off to Thor, who pulled out a piece of paper and grinned. "Anna, would you rather live in London or New York?"

"Oh, I don't know." Anna frowned, pursing her lips together. "Maybe London? But there's lots of fashion and theatre here. Man, I'm not sure."

"Neither?" Ika offered helpfully, grinning.

"What's so wrong with New York?" Tony asked, clearly offended on behalf of the city.

"It's six blocks of _hell_." Ika replied, earning a laugh from Mizuki and confused looks from everyone else.

"Right, back to me, then." Clint snitched the beanie and pulled out another paper. "Jessica, would you rather be a rock star who has a wild, amazing, short life or a composer who has a quiet, uncomplicated, long life?"

"Composer." Jessica didn't even hesitate, grinning. "Gimmie that comfort."

"But _rock star_." Tony enthused, looking at her. "And will you be as successful as a composer as a rock star?"

"I'm going to say yes." Clint offered, throwing Jessica a smile.

" _Composer_." She reaffirmed. "I'll be a well-financed potato, thank you very much."

The whole circle burst into laughter as Nat took the beanie from Clint and dove in for another go. "Mizuki, would you rather… Do an artist or a musician?"

"That beanie is _rigged_." Mizuki glared at it, turning pink. "And musician."

"Not an artist?" Ika asked, blinking. "But I thought you were into that?"

" _Them_." Anna corrected, earning a glare from Mizuki.

"I am, but a musician would be really good with his hands." She shrugged. "Besides, if he plays guitar… calluses."

"You right, you right." Anna grinned, high-fiving her.

"You think about this way too much." Bruce laughed, taking the beanie from Natasha. "I had no idea they made girls so open-minded these days."

"It's a bi-product of our messed up world." Mizuki smiled brightly. "On the plus side it tends to make us more truthful."

"About some things." Jessica added, throwing Mizuki a look that the blond pointedly ignored.

"Ika, would you rather… have a one night stand with a hero or a lasting relationship with a villain?" Bruce asked, his eyebrows rising.

" _Shit_." Ika breathed, staring at him.

"Swear jar." Mizuki and Tony said in unison, grinning.

" _Oh_ , that's a good one." Anna grinned, sharing a look with Jessica and Mizuki. "Cause… Huh. I don't know… What's your answer, Ika?"

"…I mean, I guess it would be kinda fun to be the consort of a supervillain…"

"Not that you would know anything about that, or anything." Mizuki teased, throwing her a wink while Anna took the beanie from Bruce and rummaged in it.

"Mizuki… would you rather have a ride in Tony's sports car, or Cap's motorcycle?"

"Am I driving?" Mizuki asked, while the two men in question shared a look and then looked expectantly at the blond between them.

"No." Anna grinned, waggling her eyebrows at her.

"Cap's motorcycle." She replied with a grin.

"Well I guess I can forgive you for your earlier answer, then…" Steve muttered, smiling smugly.

"That's not fair; she's ridden in my cars before." Tony frowned, glaring at the beanie as though it had done him some personal injury.

"I don't make the questions, I just ask them." Anna handed the beanie off to Jessica, who gave her a confused look.

"But you _did_ make that—" A swift elbow to her ribs silenced her and she quickly shoved a hand into the beanie. "Oh, yeah, right, question. Steve, would you rather have a super-suit made of leather or spandex?"

"Oh, now _that_ I want to see." Natasha laughed, grinning as Steve's ears tipped with pink. "Like, are we talking functional leather or more fetish leather? Cause I know which one I'm thinking about."

"And now so are the rest of us, thank you Nat." Clint made a face, but Ika grinned and sent a sly wink Mizuki's way.

"Um… Leather." Steve answered finally, ignoring the leers suddenly sent his way. "I mean; functional leather… It's more durable than spandex…"

He stole the beanie from Jessica quickly, picking out a card. "Ika, would you rather be shoes or mittens?"

"The _hell_ kind of question is that?" Ika asked, laughing. "Uh… Mittens, I guess? I don't want someone walking all over me all the time. That would suck."

"See, _she_ got it." Anna threw the redhead beside her a look, and Jessica sputtered indignantly.

"Gimmie." Mizuki laughed, taking the beanie. "Okay, Clint, would you rather do Catwoman or Poison Ivy?"

" _What_?" Clint stared at her as Tony burst into laughter, almost toppling over.

"Would you rather do Catwoman or Poison Ivy?" Mizuki repeated, keeping her face as straight as she possibly could while Steve turned an uncomfortable shared of red and Tony finally succumbed to gravity.

"Oh, uh… Well, I mean, _redheads_." Clint grinned at Natasha, who threw him back a wink. "But, _poison kisses_ are kind of a turn-off, so… Catwoman."

"Oh, good call!" Tony laughed, picking himself up off the floor. "And Odin bless that beanie. Lemme see it." He took it from Mizuki and reached in, chuckling to himself. "Bruce, would you rather wear tighty-whities with sharks on them, or boxers with penises on them?"

The circle went completely silent for all of ten seconds before laughter broke out, starting with Clint and Anna, and spreading to Jessica, Mizuki, and Ika, before Tony finally couldn't hold it in anymore and howled. Somewhere amidst the cackling, someone let out a " _wait, what the fuck?"_ and Steve called once more for an offering to the almighty swear jar.

Bruce was wearing an awkward smile, like he wasn't sure whether to give into the laughter around him or be horrified by the question, and finally answered once the laughter had died down some. "I mean… I like sharks."

"Yes!" Anna laughed, holding out a hand for a high-five, which Bruce cautiously returned.

"Give me that." Ika tore the beanie from him, trying to regain some sense of composure, and grabbed a card. "Jessica, would you rather be pierced or bedazzled?"

"Wait, _what_?" Tony and Clint both turned to look at the brunette, staring.

"Bedazzled." Jessica replied without missing a beat. "Because then I'd be fabulous."

"Yes ma'am you would be!" Mizuki laughed, grinning at the redhead.

"But think about _kissing_ someone like that!" Tony stared at her. "Hell, doing _anything_ like that. Ow."

"But sparkles." Jessica argued, grinning impishly. " _Sparkles_ , Tony."

"Sparkles be damned, that would hurt like _shit_."

"Swear j—"

"Oh, yes, I _know_." Tony grumbled. "And, can we call a truce on the fining for tonight? There's no way we can watch our language."

"For the record, if tonight goes how most slumber parties do, it's not the language we'll be watching." Anna pointed out, smirking at the group.

Jessica silently held her fist out, and Anna bumped hers into it.

"Well then." Ika handed the bag to Thor, clearing her throat, and the God of Thunder hesitantly reached into it.

"Captain, would you rather… Be in a BDSM "relationship"…" ( _He put the air quotes around the word and Mizuki nearly died from the hilarity and the cute_ ) "Or be so passive that you never did anything romantic at all."

Steve's jaw worked, his entire face going red, and the whole circle turned to look at him expectantly, Mizuki and Ika wearing wicked grins as they stared at him.

"Oh, I love that beanie." Tony grinned, throwing it an apprising look before he turned to the Captain again. "Well, Cap? What's it gonna be?"

"Is that even a fair question, though?" Anna asked.

"Oh, Cherry's lived in this tower long enough, he knows what that is. Even if he doesn't want to admit it." Ika teased. "Isn't that right, Captain Cop-A-Feel?"

"That was _one time_ , and it was _not_ intentional!" Steve snapped back, folding his arms and refusing to look anyone in the eye. "I suppose… If there were breaks, then… the first option isn't so bad."

"Oh, there'd be plenty of breaking." Ika grinned, tossing him a wink. "But the _kind_ of break is what's in question~"

"I want that beanie when this is over." Tony stated, proudly grinning as he clapped Steve on the shoulder while the blond hid his face in his hands, steam practically coming out his ears.

Thor handed the beanie back to Clint for another round, and the archer did his best not to die laughing as he reached in. "Tony… Would you rather high-five everyone for the rest of your life, or head-butt every VIP you meet?"

"Oh, high— _wait_. _Everyone_?"

" _Everyone_." Anna repeated, grinning, watching him expectantly.

" _Shit_." He breathed, holding up a hand before Steve could reflexively say anything. "Huh. Cause. I mean, I don't meet many VIPs anymore, since Pep runs the whole show, but it'd be bad for business if I did spontaneously meet one. Think of what would happen if I was in the suit. _Damn_."

"And the downside to high-fives?" Bruce asked; eyebrows knitted together.

"Sex." Tony replied without batting an eye. "Bruce, there is nothing worse than _high-fiving_ your woman while you're busy making—"

" _Stark_." Steve growled, and Tony stopped short.

"Can you imagine the _shame_?" Tony shuddered for emphasis. "Screw protocol with VIPs, man, I'm taking the head-butts."

Anna looked oddly triumphant, and Mizuki busted into giggles while Clint handed the beanie to Natasha and she pulled out the last slip of paper.

"Anna… Would you rather everyday be ab day or leg day?"

"Oh, nope!" Anna jumped up, flashing a pair of peace signs at the group before she grabbed the papers and the beanie. "I'm not about that life. Un-un."

"Aww, c'mon, you have to answer!" Jessica teased her.

Anna threw her a look and replied in a chipper voice. "I think I would just kill myself."

"That escalated quickly." Clint said, blinking at the brunette while Thor said something about it being a waste of a life.

"Inside joke." Mizuki reassured him, giggling. "Drinks, Tony? Then Truth or Dare?"

"Coming right up!" Tony hopped to his feet, offering Ika a hand as he helped her up and hurried to the bar.

"A word?" Steve whispered to Mizuki, helping her up while the other Avengers congregated around the bar with the two new guests.

Mizuki took the used papers from Anna, with the excuse of taking them back into the room from whence they came, and Tony donned the beanie before anyone could stop him, the vivid purple and pink striped monstrosity looking somehow suitable atop his head.

"What's up, Cap?" Mizuki asked as she stowed the papers away in her bag, deciding to keep them in case she wanted to frame any of them later as gag-gifts to her favorite heroes.

"Would you rather be with Tony?" Steve didn't beat around the bush this time, his forwardness genuinely surprising the other blond as she straightened up and looked at him.

"Pardon?" She asked, eyebrows rocketing up her forehead.

"What you said… Clint's first question…" He didn't look at her, his voice barely audible as he consulted the carpet for advice. "Would you rather be with Tony instead of me?"

Mizuki almost laughed, but then she had a vivid mental picture of her laughing in Steve's face and their relationship never being the same, so she swallowed her chuckle and shuffled forward, taking his much larger hands in hers. "No, Steve. I wouldn't rather be with Tony."

Steve let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, shyly meeting her eyes. "But, you didn't really hesitate…"

"Because it was a _one-night stand_." She gave his hands a squeeze. "I don't want to be with you for just one night… If I was going to do anything like that, it'd be with Tony, because I know he wouldn't feel the same way about it you would. He's slept around enough he handles walkaways easy… You wouldn't. And I wouldn't do that to you, either."

Steve's ears had started to turn pink, and he pulled her into a crushing hug that nearly knocked the wind out of her, his arms like iron bars, protectively wrapped around her. "Good." He whispered against her ear.

She hugged him back, holding onto him as tightly as she could, crushed though she was, and only broke apart when a soft _"oh snap!"_ sounded from the door.

Steve let go of her quickly, taking a step back, and Mizuki peered around him to see Anna trying ( _and failing epically_ ) not to grin as she stood in the doorway.

"Hey, so, we're about to get started, if you want to join in, and if not I totally get that." She nodded, as though that put an end to _that_ conversation, and left, leaving the door ajar in case they decided to join in the festivities.

"Truth or dare? Really?" Steve gave Mizuki a look that told how much he disliked _that_ plan. "You couldn't have picked something else?"

"Anna suggested spin-the-bottle." Mizuki shrugged, sending him a casual wink. "And I coulda gone for seven minutes in heaven, but you know…"

" _Come on_." Steve put an arm around her shoulders, dragging her out of the room. "If we don't make an appearance, they're going to assume the worst."

"You're assuming they don't already." Mizuki teased, snaking an arm around his waist, giggling.

* * *

 _Part two, coming soon! :D_


	4. Slumba Partay! (Part Two)

_Part two~!_

* * *

"Oh, hey, there they are." Jessica smiled, waving to both blonds. "Sorry boys, all bets are off."

"You were making _bets_?" Mizuki asked, taking up her seat on the floor again, eyeing the glass of dark, bubbly liquid that awaited her. "And I swear, Tony, if that is cherry vanilla coke I will dump it on your head."

"Yes, bets, on what you two animals were doing to one another in the back room!" Tony replied with a grin. "And it's regular coke, I swear."

Mizuki laughed, taking a sip and got comfy on her patch of floor.

"So, since Clint started us off last time… Cap? Do you want to start the festivities?" Natasha asked.

"I'll pass." Steve laughed, eyeing the two hats with obvious suspicion. "How about one of our guests?"

"I'll start!" Jessica raised her hand, bouncing up and down. "Tony! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!" Tony replied with gusto, toasting her with his glass. "Let's start this off right!"

"Okay!" Jessica reached into the top-hat and pulled out a bright slip of paper. "Tony, I dare you…" She stopped, looking over the paper, laughing.

"Oh, this has promise." Tony leered. "C'mon, lay it on me."

Jessica managed to compose herself, clearing her throat. "Ahem… I dare you to run around the lounge naked, with a spoon stuck on your nose, and if it falls, you have to start over."

Mizuki saw Ika go a startling shade of red while Tony's eyes lit up and Nat hid her face in her hands.

" _Oh God_." She breathed.

"I'm not even sorry." Jessica grinned, tossing the paper aside. "C'mon, Tony, you up for it?"

"You better believe I am!" He hopped to his feet, striking a pose before he took a few steps back and pulled off his pants, the snaps on the side giving him a fast escape ( _and giving everyone else something to groan_ _over_ ). "So, can I use mechanical means to stick the spoon to my nose? Like peanut butter or something?"

"Sure!" Jessica laughed. "You need something? I have shaving cream in my bag."

" _Perfect._ " Tony tugged off his shirt, dropping it into Ika's lap, and moved after Jessica toward the stairs, grabbing a spoon on the way. "I'm giving you guys a warning, right now, that when I come back out of that door I will be buck-ass naked, just so you know."

" _Stark_." Steve hissed; part way between laughing and sighing.

"I'm so torn." Ika stared at Mizuki, like a deer caught in the headlights. "Like… Do I watch? Do I not? What do I do?"

"I know what I'm doing!" Mizuki grinned, just in time for Steve to clap a hand over her eyes and haul her into his lap.

"The hell you are…" He muttered, holding her tight.

She squirmed, laughing, calling him on his use of language.

Not ten seconds later, cheers went up from the others in the circle and she assumed Tony had made his nude debut ( _not for the first time, actually_ ). They chanted as he made his circuit around the room, apparently keeping his spoon upon his nose, because there were no boos or jeers ( _minus one from Clint, but that was for other reasons_ ). Steve let her go and set her on his other side, handing over her glass and frowning.

"Thank you for shielding my maiden eyes." She teased, winking at him as she took a long drink, earning herself a nudge.

Tony returned quickly, to more cheers from the crowd, and bowed deeply as he picked up his shirt and tugged it back on, putting the snaps back together before he shimmied back into his pants.

"I'm gonna need therapy." Clint muttered, rubbing his eyes. "God, the _horror_."

"Sorry, I didn't see a horror; I was distracted by the muscles." Jessica grinned, earning herself several cat-calls from the team.

"Okay, _moving on_." Mizuki laughed, now next in line. "Clint, Truth or Dare?"

"After _that_? Truth." Clint shuddered.

Mizuki reached into the fedora and pulled out a bland piece of paper. "Clint, what would you do if you were the opposite gender for a month?"

"I would die." Clint replied instantly, blinking in surprise. "Talk about horrors."

"It's only a month. It wouldn't be that bad." Anna argued. "C'mon, like you're never thought about what you'd do as a woman."

"Honestly, no. I have more important things to think about."

"Like what he'd do if he was a man for a month." Tony grinned.

Clint looked like he was about to start something violent, but Nat put a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon, if you were me for a month, what would you do?"

"The majority of the male Russian ballet dancers." Clint replied with a wink and a grin.

Mizuki proceeded to lose it, doubling over with laughter, holding out her hand for a high-five, which Clint returned with a chuckle.

Steve shook his head, chuckling, and grinned at Thor. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Thor cheered, grinning back, and Steve reached into the top-hat.

"I dare you to knock a bottle off Nat's head with your weapon.

"Whoa, _what_?" Ika yelped, staring between them.

"I'm game." Nat shrugged, her oversized shirt sliding off one shoulder as she stood.

"I do not wish to harm you." Thor stood hesitantly, glancing around the circle.

"You only go through with it if both parties are consenting, though; House Rules." Mizuki added. "And we can use a big bottle."

"Plastic, too." Tony added, beating it to the bar. "That cool?"

"Yes, that will do." Thor nodded. "If you are sure, Natasha."

"I trust you." She replied, smiling.

"To know what she'll do to you if you miss." Clint muttered, eyeing both parties curiously.

Tony produced a large plastic bottle from behind the bar, offering it to Nat on bended knee.

Thor held out his hand, waiting while Nat stepped away from the group and positioned the bottle on her head, holding perfectly still.

Mjolnir zipped into his hand and he held it for a second, considering his target before the threw the hammer, the solid projectile shooting straight toward Nat's head. It made contact with the bottle, sending it flying, and Nat dropped down so Thor could summon it straight back.

The team cheered, and Thor looked relieved as he put his hammer down gently, returning to his seat.

"I would like to apologize, for being the sadistic little wench that thought that dare up." Anna said, holding out a hand to Nat. "Cause I am."

Natasha laughed, giving the offered hand a quick squeeze before she relaxed back into her seat.

"Well, with that spectacular show of brawn out of the way…" Tony grinned at the blond now beside him. "Truth or dare, Captain Cop-A-Feel?"

"I preferred Captain Cherry." Steve sighed. "Truth."

" _Lame_." Tony reached forward, rummaging in the hat before sitting back. "Steve; would you…" He froze, staring at the paper.

"Apparently it's _not_ lame." Ika joked, trying to see the paper.

Tony shook himself, grinned, and batted his lashes. "Tell me, Captain, would you let the person to your left give you a blowjob?"

Mizuki choked on her Coke, and Steve went a shade of crimson not commonly found in nature.

"Ow _owww_!" Anna cheered, earning a glare from Mizuki.

"Oh, Mi-chan, don't choke~" Ika teased, grinning widely.

"Swallow, Mizuki." Tony leered. "It's right up there with groaning."

" _Stark_." Steve warned, eyes narrowing. " _Not_ here. _Not_ now."

"Then answer the question, Cap." Nat grinned from across the circle.

"Yes… I would." Steve managed, not looking any of them in the eye. "I mean, if she were offering. I wouldn't… Yeah." He cleared his throat, throwing Ika a desperate look.

Ika took pity on him and chose the next victim. "Thor." She smiled slyly. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth, this time." He sent an apologetic smile to Natasha.

Ika plucked a card from the hat and opened it, eyebrows quirking together. "Free-For-All?"

"Oh! Oh!" Anna clapped her hands together excitedly. "That means everyone has to participate!"

"Oh, well this should be fun, then." Ika grinned. "If you had to be in a relationship with a DC character, who would it be, and why?"

"That's just not fair." Tony stared at her. "That's like fraternizing with the enemy!"

"I believe there is one called Wonder Woman?" Thor slid Ika a sly smile. "I hear tales of her exploits and her spirit. I believe she would make an excellent partner."

Clint was chuckling. "Catwoman still holds true… I like the sass."

"And the leather?" Nat added, winking at him.

"Oh, yeah, and the leather. Obviously."

"I'd say Jason Todd." Nat finally decided. "Pre-crazy. Kind of responsible and fun."

"Kind of?" Bruce laughed. "I think Louise Lane… She's nice and, ah, normal."

The circle laughed, and Bruce looked expectantly at Anna.

"Oh, um… Flash?" She grinned.

"You want the _fastest man alive_?" Tony asked, eyebrows spiking.

"No, that's real." Mizuki nodded. "Flash is hilarious."

"Exactly!" Anna high-fived her friend. "Plus he could get me through traffic if it was really bad."

"And the whole fast thing means he could also come over to bring you ice cream if you needed comfort and cuddles in a hurry." Jessica added, giggling. "I'm gonna have to go with Batman. Because reasons."

"I'd have to say Nightwing. Cause he's sassy and classy and lots of fun."

"And an acrobat." Ika added, winking.

"Supergirl." Steve admitted with a sheepish grin. "Always liked her."

"Poison Ivy." Tony grinned. "Smart, sexy, psychotic."

"Oh, so, like you?" Ika beamed up at him, laughing.

"I'm only psychotic some of the time." Tony defended, pulling a long face. "And who would you choose, oh miss saner-than-thou?"

"Oh, wait, do I have to answer too?" Ika dodged the question, looking expectantly around the circle.

"Yes, Ika, that is what Free-For-All means." Mizuki grinned, winking at her.

"Well, in that case… Guess I'd have to pick, um…" She frowned. "Guys, I can't pick. I like all of them, and I think we'd all get along, so yeah."

"That's legit." Mizuki grinned. "No pressure."

"Why didn't you say so earlier?" Clint asked, folding his arms with a huff. "We all could have avoided the awkward."

"But it looks so good on you!" Ika teased. "Goes with your skin tone." She nudged Thor with a grin as the team laughed at Clint's expense, and the blond quickly gestured to Jessica.

"Truth or dare?"

"Ah, let's go with dare?" Jessica answered, grinning.

Thor reached forward and picked a slip of paper, unfolding it, his eyebrows knitting together as he read what was written there.

"Oh, that's not a good sign." Anna laughed. "Does she have to streak, too?"

"Cause that's not happening." Jessica hurried to add, glancing around the circle.

"Play a song by slapping your butt until someone guesses it." Thor read, glancing up at her.

Mizuki busted out laughing, leaning over to high-five Anna as the rest of the circle started to laugh.

"Crap…" Jessica muttered, her face going red. "Can I at least hide behind the couch or something?"

" _No."_ Tony grinned, winking.

"Yes, if you want." Mizuki threw him a look. "Just cause _some of us_ have no decency does not mean you have to abide by the same shameless rules."

"Kay cool, thanks." Jessica shuffled behind the couch, the whole circle going silent as they waited for the inevitable concert that was about to grace their ears.

The sound started, Jessica giggling between slaps as the whole circle slowly degraded into laughter, and Jessica could hardly keep going. Eventually, after a painful minute or so, Clint suddenly perked up.

"Oh! That's the Hamster Song!"

"Thank you!" Jessica yelped, popping back up and coming back to her seat in the circle. "I thought I'd be back there all night… Mizuki, how did you not get that?"

"Sorry, I couldn't hear the tune over the sound of all the awkward."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

Clint, proud over his musical knowledge, pointed dramatically at Tony. "T or D?"

"Oh, you know I'm all about that D." Tony grinned back, earning him a strangled sound from the girl beside him.

Clint reached into the hat and then dramatically flicked it open. "Tony, I dare you to… _oh shit_."

"I don't do that in public." Tony replied without missing a beat, grinning.

"Barton?" Steve prompted, aware that it would have to be something seriously weird for the archer to have that strong of a reaction.

Clint cleared his throat, threw Mizuki an apologetic look, and then returned his attention to Tony. "I dare you to kiss the person on your left."

Tony instinctively turned to his right, grinning at the brunette beside him before a gruff " _on your_ left" caused him to turn the other way, coming face to face with Steve, and a muscle in his jaw tensed as the whole circle went silent, watching them.

"You just had to move Mizuki, didn't you, Rogers?" Tony glared at him, clearly miffed by the missed opportunity to smooch the _other_ blond.

"Guess this counts as cause, then." Nat winked at the pair of them, slyly pulling out her phone and positioning it for blackmail pictures.

"Do I have to?" Both of them turned to look at Clint, speaking in unison.

"Well you do now." Clint grinned. "On the lips, come on."

"That was not specified on the card." Tony pointed out. "You can't—"

"Actually, he can." Mizuki pipped up. "Asker gets to define the dare. House Rules. Besides, you're the one who said you were all about the D."

"Those are some messed up rules." Tony grumbled, looking back at Steve. It could have been worse, he decided, Steve was attractive and it would be worth seeing the heterosexual panic it would cause in the stalwart soldier, but at the same time… he would be kissing _Captain America_. _In front of a camera_ , he remembered, throwing Nat a filthy look.

"Stark?" Steve broke his mental rant, and he glued his eyes back onto the pinnacle of justice sitting _on his dammed left_.

"Oh, what the hell, why not?" Tony shrugged, throwing on a rakish smile and winking at Nat and her camera. "But I get the raw footage and the rights, okay?"

"Deal." Nat nodded.

Before Steve could protest further (or possibly run away), Tony slid a hand up his arm, caught the back of his neck, and pulled him into a rather forceful kiss, forgetting for a second that added height meant more momentum, and that meant greater force behind the collision of mouths that resulted in a pleasantly shocked sound from Steve and a great number of cheers and cat-calls from the rest of the circle. He would have been proud if he hadn't been so weirded out by the fact that _Steve was actually a good kisser_ , _dammit_.

How in the blue hell was _that_ fair?

He held the kiss another five seconds _(yes he was counting_ ), and then pulled away, making a great show of licking his lips and winking at Cap, who looked a bit stunned and not entirely sure what to do with himself.

He chalked that up as a victory and looked imploringly at Nat. "Please get us past that awkwardness."

"Oh, I don't think that'll ever pass." She grinned, stashing her phone before she threw a wink to Mizuki. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Mizuki squeaked, jumping slightly as she came back down to earth after what she had witnessed.

Natasha plucked out a question and grinned as she read it. "Who's your favorite forearm slut?"

" _Dammit_." Mizuki sighed, hiding her face in her hands.

"I'm sorry, what is that?" Clint asked, glancing between Nat and Mizuki.

"Like, when a person rolls up their sleeves to show off their forearms, but they do it all the time." Anna answered, giggling. "That's a forearm slut."

"So not you or Thor." Jessica added. "You're just arm sluts."

"This is specifically the expanse of skin between the wrist and elbow." Ika finished, grinning brightly.

"Huh." Clint glanced around the circle. "So that's Steve, Bruce, and… Tony?"

"Yup." Ika threw a wink at the brunette beside her, and he laughed.

"The sad part is; it's _true_." Bruce looked a little ashamed of himself; as though he'd just been informed there was some softcore _something_ drifting around on the internet with him playing the lead.

"Oh, we know." Anna grinned. "But Mizuki's the one who used the phrase first, so it fits that she should answer."

"Ugh." Mizuki sighed, looking up. "I feel like it's cheating to pick Steve."

"It is." Nat confirmed, smiling wickedly.

"In which case it would be Bruce." Mizuki smiled shyly at the doctor. "He does it all the time without thinking, and then his cuffs are kind of messy and it's really cute."

Bruce went a faint shade of pink, and Natasha smirked triumphantly.

"Your turn, doctor." She said, nudging him gently.

"Natasha, truth or dare?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Oh, dare, definitely." Nat grinned, winking at him.

He pulled a dare from the hat and flipped the card open, blinking in surprise. "Double Dare?"

"Two people have to participate." Mizuki clarified. "There should be instructions on there."

"Nat, you and the person to your right have to seduce someone of the same gender as yourselves…" He glanced at Nat as a grin blossomed on her face, and he sighed deeply. "Dammit."

"Why, doctor, such language!" Ika teased, cackling madly as both of them glanced around the circle.

"Why are double dares even a thing?" Clint asked, trying to contain his laughter.

"Because it makes it more interesting for the rest of us." Mizuki replied with a laugh, watching as Nat fixed her eyes on the brunette across from her and grinned.

"Hey, Ika~?" Nat called, sitting back on her hands, movements suddenly all fluid seduction as she arched her shoulders forward and canted her head to one side, looking the girl over. "Anyone ever tell you how pretty you are?"

Ika's grin vanished in an instant, replaced with a stunned look of awe-filled horror before she regained her composure and shot a wink back at the redhead. "Not lately, no."

Nat pushed herself forward and moved across the circle in one fluid motion, ending on her hands and knees in front of Ika, her whole body tensed to pounce, her head still carefully tipped to one side as her eyelids dipped to half-mast, her gaze trailing over the girl in front of her, lips carefully parted as she hummed low somewhere in the back of her throat. The battle was fought without words, a hand brushing over Ika's leg as the redhead closed in, her other hand supporting her weight as she made a path up Ika's body, the touch feather-light and teasing, before she found the long brunette locks and whispered something ( _likely vulgar_ ) in Russian and pulled the girl in for a kiss.

It lasted only a few seconds, with Tony cheering the loudest of them all, and then Nat was back on her side of the circle, grinning like a complacent cat, and Ika was looking somewhere between flustered and thrilled, giggling madly as all eyes turned expectantly onto Bruce.

"Well I'm not capable of _that_." He said, gesturing to Natasha.

"Very few people are." Nat winked, her posture relaxing back into something more natural.

"Speaking of, did anyone get that on camera?" Tony asked, glancing hopefully around the circle.

"Aside from your invisible butler, you mean?" Clint asked, as though it should have been obvious that all the cameras around the tower were still working perfectly. "Yes." He grinned at Nat, who threw him a dirty look.

"If that ends up anywhere even remotely public, I will _end_ you."

Bruce, who had taken the opportunity the argument allotted him, had stood and moved behind Barton, suddenly sinking down onto his knees, his hands sliding down the archer's chest in a slow motion, Clint suddenly jumping at the contact, his jaw working as he realized what was about to happen.

"Relax." Bruce whispered in a ( _completely unfair_ ) husky tone, his lips brushing past Clint's ear. "I'll be gentle, I promise."

Miuzki had never seen Clint go so completely red, and she wasn't really sure if it was from embarrassment or rage, but regardless, it was a perfectly wonderful sight to behold.

Bruce hung off Clint like a Russian escort, another husky whisper slipping past his lips before he kissed the archer's cheek and peeled himself off him, grinning mischievously as he took his seat once more.

"Holy _shit_ , Banner, I didn't know you had that in you!" Tony cackled; applauding the display as Bruce bowed humbly to the group.

"God, is it on me?" Clint asked, suddenly breaking out of his reverie. "I think I got the crazy _on me_."

"You're fine." Anna laughed, fixing her eyes on Thor. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Thor replied, chuckling as he inclined his head to Bruce in a silent salute.

Anna retrieved the dare from the hat, and then went an odd shade of red as she looked it over. "Thor, I dare you to give someone in the circle a lap dance."

" _Oh my God make it Steve._ " Tony managed between laughs, the entire circle erupting into thunderous _(pun intended_ ) laughter.

"Wait, wait, does he even know what that _is_?" Clint asked, looking between Anna and the god of thunder.

"Of course! We have many such forms of entertainment in Asgard. A victory feast is not complete unless there are dancers!" Thor answered, grinning brightly. "May it be anyone?"

"Anyone in the circle." Anna repeated, grinning.

"Very well then." Thor rolled his shoulders back, grabbing Mjolnir, looking for all the world as though he were about to do battle.

What happened next, no one had been expecting, especially not from Thor. It was one thing for him to say that there were dancers at feasts ( _a tradition anyone in the team would have happily gotten behind_ ), it was another entirely for him to say that _and then crawl across the circle like some blond-bombshell sex-kitten_.

The hammer dangled from his mouth by the strap, and everyone almost instinctively scooted back from the circle, clearing a path for him as he made his _(obscenely sexy_ ) way to Anna, the brunette going bright red and letting out a squeak of surprise. She moved so her legs were straight out in front of her, and Thor lowered the hammer into her lap gently before he pulled himself up onto his knees, stretching and sighing like the most experienced porn star, his hips rolling forward just slightly as he started to move.

His arms twisted together above his head, when they weren't busy trailing paths down his body that Anna followed her eyes, mouth dropping open slightly when Thor made a rather impressive groan and tangled his hands into his hair, lips parting as his eyes dipped almost completely shut before he slid his hand back down his torso, one of Anna's hands reaching out to catch at his waist to keep her from toppling over completely.

Thor snatched up his hammer, catching her chin with it and tipping her head up as he leaned in close enough to whisper, voice dangerously low and rough around the edges. "Ah-ah-ah… No touching the merchandise."

Tony would swear later that he had _nothing_ to do with Thor knowing that phrase, but that would be a lie ( _although to be fair he had_ nothing _to do with him knowing how to use it in this situation_ ).

Anna let out a sound between a squeak and a whine, and Clint let out a low whistle as Nat started to take more pictures, the god of thunder returning the hammer to Anna's lap in a slow, fluid motion, the cool metal head sliding against her arm as he did so, a tease that had Anna shivering and Mizuki swearing under her breathe because _Thor should not know how to do these things_.

With a final, full-body roll, a whisper in Anna's ear that no one else could hear, and the retrieval of his hammer with his teeth once more, he slunk back to his side of the circle and everyone went deathly quiet.

" _Jesus fu_ —"

" _Language_ , Stark."

"—Christ, Thor, how the _hell_ did you know to do that?"

Thor blinked at the mechanic innocently, clearly surprised by the question. "As I said, we have many such entertainments in Asgard."

"Yes, we got that part." Tony interrupted. "But how do _you_ know how to—"

"I was taught how by one of the dancers. It is common for anyone seeking a partner to learn how to first woo and entertain them." Thor glanced around the circle, perhaps the only one unfazed by the little display he'd just put on. "Is it not so here on Midgard?"

"No it is not so here on Midgard!" Tony squeaked, voice finally cracking from the strain. "How did you expect that to be normal?"

"It is in my world…" Thor almost sounded disappointed, as though his parlor trick had just been basked, and Mizuki jumped to his aid.

"Well I would let you make me your partner, if I saw that." She grinned, throwing him a wink that he returned. "So, uh, refills? Yes? Yes. Tony?"

"Right. Yes. Refills." Tony grinned, getting to his feet.

"And popcorn." Jessica pipped up, hopping to her feet. "And snacks. And maybe no more T or D."

"God, no." Ika sighed, letting out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. " _Anything_ but that."

"Strip poker?" Anna suggested, earning her incredulous looks from everyone in the circle. "What, it'd be fun."

"If by fun you mean horribly humiliating and possibly traumatizing." Mizuki replied, hands on her hips. "I did that once, remember? It sucked."

"Wait, you did _what_?" Tony's head snapped around so fast, he was surprised he didn't break anything important.

"Played strip poker." Mizuki replied, unfazed. "And other things I'm not too proud of, but we don't talk about that."

"Maybe we should." Clint grinned deviously. "Never Have I Ever, anyone?"

"We will all die." Mizuki replied flatly, glaring at the archer.

"Oh, no, no, this is happening." Tony leered, scampering off to the bar. "C'mon, we gotta. Snack, popcorn, booze, Never Have I Ever. It'll be a night for the record books!"

"If you mean _police records_ , then yes…" Ika muttered, hiding her face in her hands.

"We gon' die." Anna reiterated, nodding firmly.

"Least it'll be a fun ride down!" Jessica grinned, following Tony. "Now, where's that popcorn?"

"Shoot me now." Mizuki groaned, hiding her face in her hands.

"Ask Cap to." Anna grinned. "Maybe he'll shoot you in the face."

" _I hate all of you_."

* * *

 _I'm not entirely sure if there will be a part three to the slumber party, but the possibility exists. In the meantime, enjoy the crazy. :D_


	5. The Drunk Tank Tango

_Inspired by a tumblr post about how each of the Avengers would react to guys aggressively hitting on girls in a bar. Although I dialed down the aggressiveness (because I can't handle creeps who fondle women without escorts), I did my best. Besides, I feel like even the smallest threat would be treated with a whole lotta NOPE. XD_

* * *

"This is a terrible idea, Tony."

Ika folded her arms and sulked in the driver's seat, her face turned toward the window, watching the six blocks of hell slowly inch by as Tony fought through traffic in one of his many, magnificently over-priced sportscars.

"Ika, it's going to be fine, and it's going to be fun. We saved the world, we get the right to celebrate a little bit."

"A _terrible_ idea, Tony." Ika repeated, glaring at him. "I don't drink, Jessica and Anna are underage, and everyone else gets crazy when they get inebriated. And you don't want to put Cap through the torture of a tipsy Mizuki, because no one's virtue will stay intact if she puts back a few."

"It'll be _fine_." Tony repeated, throwing her a wink. "Cap can't get drunk, and he's not debauched enough to take advantage of the situation. Besides, their food here is fantastic, and you have not lived until you have paired smoked gouda with a very fine chocolate. Trust me. There's something magical about it."

"You're weird."

"But you love me."

Ika didn't reply, returning her attention to the street, spotting Mizuki and Steve a few cars away, perched on his motorcycle, the girl's arms wrapped tight around his middle as she clung to him for more than just safety.

Somewhere behind them, in a less-expensive but equally beautiful car, Ika knew Barton and Anna were entertaining the redheads, and she wondered if Thor was past the awkward stage of riding with so many women in so small a space (he claimed that there was no need for him to ride in the car, but they had insisted). She was torn between the mental image of him trying to contort himself into the smallest possible shape and pulling a pimp-pose with his arms over their shoulders, laughing at the top of his lungs.

She wasn't sure yet which she liked better.

"And why did we have to split up, anyway?" Ika asked, trying to fill the space with something other than the dulcet tones of Lana Del Rey that wafted out of the stereo. "We could have all ridden together."

"Only if we broke out the limo, and Pepper said no. She claimed it was being cleaned, but I call bullshit on that. Poor thing's probably been donated to charity or something. Besides, this is more fun." He turned to give her a soft, genuine smile that rarely appeared, the corners of his eyes softening and curling up as he rested a hand lightly on hers. "I can pretend I'm taking you on a real date for once, till we get there and the drunken shenanigans begin. And then it'll be like any other Avenger party ever. Or my birthday parties. But we shouldn't talk about those. Less good times for me. I've grown. Kinda. Okay, okay, ruining the mood. Sorry." He grinned, winking, and squeezed her hand gently. "Sorry."

Ika turned her hand to lace her fingers with his, making no reply, and she hid her smile in her other hand, resting her elbow on the door pretending to look out at the street. "We could have at least flown."

"Your suit isn't done yet, and Steve would have said no. Joy kill." He sniffed disdainfully, continuing in a prim tone. "Would have claimed I was being reckless, like he'd know anything about _that_."

"Tony. It's in Steve's nature to worry. C'mon, you know that."

"Yeah, well, it's in my nature not to listen to him. He should know that."

Ika laughed. "Tony, the whole _world_ knows that one."

* * *

"So, what's your poison?" The bartender greeted Tony with a grin and a nod, and the mechanic grinned back.

"Scotch on the rocks for me; and a coke for the lady."

"You got it."

He turned to start fixing drinks as Tony lounged against the bar and Ika took a look around the room. She spotted several faces she recognized from around the tower, and nearly toppled off her seat as she spotted a group of four that were all too familiar.

"Tony." She began, watching as the older brunette in the group stretched farther than most humans should be able to in order to grab his drink. "Did you bring us to a _hero's bar_?"

"Safest place to go drinking." Tony replied with a wink, taking his scotch and nudging her coke over. "We couldn't go to a villain's bar, despite the sheer glee _that_ would induce in you and Mizuki, and normal bars bring too much press and pressing of flesh, so. Yes. I brought us to a hero's bar."

"Mizuki's gonna die." Ika stated flatly, catching sight of a certain blind lawyer on the other side of the bar.

"Well Spangles can resuscitate her, if that happens. And she'll die all over again. It'll be great."

"Speak of the angel…" Ika nudged her escort, nodding to the door.

Mizuki was on Steve's arm, giggling as she peered around the place curiously. She clung to him with a squeak, however, when a man across the bar lit up ( _literally_ ), and her eyes went wide at the display.

"You realize this whole place is straight up high-octane fetish fuel, right?" Ika asked, watching the couple meander toward the bar.

"I'm counting on it." Tony winked, toasting the two blonds with his glass. "Oh, and hey, if anyone tries to hit on you, just signal me, 'kay? I'll straighten em out."

"You insinuating I can't look after myself?" Ika felt a grin spill onto her face as Thor sauntered _(freaking sauntered_ ) in with Anna and Jessica on his arms, a massive grin plastered on his face.

"No, no, not that." Tony laughed, throwing a grin to the trio before he turned back to Ika. "But I'm a hero, now. Saving damsels is in the job description. From danger, from shit-faced losers, from celibacy… You know, the usual."

Ika laughed, nudging him gently, swigging her coke to hide her blush. "Fine, fine, I promise to light up the Bat-Signal if I need saving."

"Don't call Bats! This universe only needs one genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist." He grinned. "I don't need that kinda competition."

"You say that like it'd _be_ a competition." Ika teased, and cackled when she was rewarded with a sputter of indignation.

"Tony!" Anna called from further down the bar. "You need to explain ' _a drink's virginity_ ' to Thor before Jess dies of laughter."

Tony grinned, pressing a quick kiss to Ika's temple. "Duty calls."

He sauntered off, laughing (" _virgin drinks are for the weak of heart"_ ), and Ika stayed right where she was, looking around the room curiously, trying to pick out other faces that she recognized.

"Hey, beautiful, you lookin' for someone?"

Ika turned, an eyebrow arched, and looked at the Agent now hovering at her elbow. He was new, she recognized him from a roster she'd spotted a few days previously in the tower.

"Just looking." She evaded, looking away and hoping he'd take the hint.

"See anything you like?" He pressed, shifting closer, and Ika almost spat out her coke from the purr in his voice.

 _Shit_.

"Not so far." She shrugged, hiding behind a curtain of hair while she fumbled for her phone, again hoping he'd get the idea as she typed out _"BAT-SIGNAL GO"_ and sent it to Tony.

" _Bats is too busy to come to the signal, right now, may I take a message?"_

" _Get your shiny metal ass over here. I need help."_

" _Coming~ ;)"_

She was going to bite the grin right off his face as soon as he showed up. Possibly literally, so it would keep the Agent at her elbow from asking stupid questions and inching closer.

"Look, I'm sure you're pretty alright and all, but I'm with someone." She tried to buy time while her mechanic fought his way back through the crowd.

"I don't see anyone." The Agent sent her a very unsubtle wink. "You sure you're not just imagining things?"

"Hey, you're Donovan, right?" Tony managed to cram himself into the tiny amount of space that the Agent had left her, magazine-smile firmly in place. "Yeah, yeah, I was talking to some of the other Agents about you the other day. Got a whole dossier on you. Kinda interesting reading. So you wanna join the Avengers, right? Well, it's no picnic. I mean, there's the glory and the honor and all that jazz, but you have to save the world, or take a bomb through a wormhole, or grab a magic hammer, or be frozen for 70+ years, and it's not pretty. We don't talk about what Romanoff had to do. But you probably get the idea. I mean, she's crazy badass and I respect her with her clothes on or off, either way, she was a model in Tokyo, you know, but—oh, hey, here she comes, want me to introduce you? Cause I can totally get you into a training session with her. You'd like that, right? Since you want to be an Avenger? Hey, Natasha! This asshole was messing with Ika!"

"Wait, what, I—"

Natasha slammed the Agents head into the bar, side-stepping as he collapsed to the ground, glaring at him as he scooted away on all fours, staring wide-eyed at the pair of them.

Tony sent him another award-winning smile, sliding an arm slyly around Ika's waist. "Don't touch my stuff."

"That… Damn, girl." Ika let out a low whistle while Nat grabbed a shot glass that had mysteriously appeared on the bar and downed the clear liquid in one gulp.

"Really, Tony? You were going to talk him to death?" Nat asked, raising her eyebrows as she set her glass back down, flipping it over. "Smooth."

"I'm not an assassin. Or a super solider. Or a _God_. I was pressed for time. Don't you judge me, Romanoff."

"Thanks, Nat." Ika smiled shyly, suddenly tucked tight against Tony's side.

"No problem." Natasha smiled, winking at them. "Keep an eye on her from now on, okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna go sit in a corner. Alone. Where no one can approach without being spotted." Tony half-dragged her off, grabbing a bottle from behind the bar as he did so, and maneuvered them through the crowd to a secluded corner with a low, plush couch. "Damn whipper-snappers…"

"Tony, that was a bit… _much_." Ika commented after a moment, eyeing him with a grin.

"Boy's makin' moves on my girl; I got a right to defend her honor."

"What little honor you left me with, you mean." Ika snorted, hiding a smile behind her bottle.

Tony grinned, throwing her a wink. "That too."

Ika had to turn away as the grin shifted, slowly, into a soft smile _(the one that reached all the way to his eyes and made them crinkle at the corners and showed just a hint of teeth like a laugh was about to slip out but he was biting it back so as not to ruin the moment and—)_ , and noticed another Agent making a move on a certain young redhead and hoped he realized that there was a blond God of Thunder looming closer.

 _Poor baby Agent, about to get smote._

* * *

Jessica was trying to drown herself in her virgin ( _but how can a drink be a virgin? I do not understand, Stark_ ) margarita as the brunette beside her continued to talk about all the super intensive exercise he'd been doing " _training for the Avengers"_ , and also trying not to vomit.

She was about to tell him to stuff it (because _seriously_ , how was she giving signs of encouragement without even _looking at him_ ), when someone beat her to it. A large hand landed on his shoulder, pulling him around to face the smiling God of Thunder.

"You've been speaking of training, but what have you done to train your spirit?" He asked, slurring his words slightly as he leaned heavily on the bar. "Honor! That is what your Midgard needs more of! It is a lost art among your warriors, honor, it takes too much time!"

Jessica hid a snigger in her glass as Thor slammed his fist on the bar and thundered out a laugh.

"Not just your warriors, but your wooers!" He threw an arm around the Agent's shoulders, pointing to Jess. "She can't even stand to look at you, and yet you try to win a fight you've already lost! Where is the honor in boring a lovely young lady and insulting her with your unwanted advances?" He slapped him on the back, sending the Agent flying, and laughed. "Woo and war honorably, or don't at all!"

Jessica burst into giggles as Thor lounged beside her and threw her a wink. " _Thank you_." She managed.

"Of course." The slur was gone, and she realized he'd put it on for effect. "I thought you could use some back-up. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds."

"No! No, absolutely not." Jessica beamed at him. "I'm not sure he would have left, if I'd tried to get rid of him."

Thor hailed the bartender, chuckling. "I believe the good Captain would agree with my views on honorable wooing—it's a pity not many others do."

Jessica smiled, thanking the bartender as he topped up her glass. "Well, I'm glad you do. And thank you again."

Thor grinned, pushing away from the bar and offering her his arm. "Shall we join Stark and Ika? I believe you'll be safer _away_ from the bar and the parasites that crawl around it."

Jessica grinned, taking his arm. "Absolutely!"

Jess grinned at Mizuki as she was escorted to the corner table, the other blond toasting her with a martini glass of something colorful and probably fruity. She wondered if Mizuki had picked the drink herself or if the archer at her elbow had suggested it.

* * *

"Isn't it good?" Clint grinned, nodding at Mizuki's drink. "I swear no one mixes them like Weasel."

"Really good." Mizuki hummed, already feeling the warm buzz of alcohol settling into her bones. "Thanks."

"Anytime!" Clint grabbed his drink and pushed away from the bar. "Where's your escort, by the way?"

"His wingman needed him." Mizuki grinned, jerking her head off to the side to indicate Sam and Steve talking further down the bar.

"Well, if you need me, fire a flare, 'kay?" He threw her a wink and slunk away to join Natasha on the other side of the room.

Not even twenty seconds later, there was a grinning idiot at her side, eyeing her drink as he lounged against the bar.

"Hey sexy, you need a top-up on that?" He asked, already hailing the bartender.

Mizuki decided _what the hell_? and downed the rest of her drink, winking at him. "Sure thing, sugar. Thanks!"

Ika probably would have been proud of her for flirting freebees from the poor guy, even if ( _or maybe especially because_ ) if it was a morally gray area.

He leapt at the chance to show off, ordering something strong and foreign and " _whatever the lady wants, she can have_ ".

Mizuki smiled brightly, tossing her head and batting her lashes, cackling internally when a flush rose in the young Agent's face. She'd forgotten how flirty she was, while under the influence.

"So, I don't think I've seen you 'round here before." The Agent tried to strike up a conversation, his hand landing on her knee.

She stiffened at the contact, but forced a smile. "Well, you wouldn't have. It's my first time."

"Oh, really? You been given the tour yet?" He grinned and inched his hand higher.

Mizuki screamed internally about Sam's shitty sense of timing and laughed, putting a hand on his and guiding it back down toward her knee.

"I didn't know they offered tours here." She evaded. "My date didn't mention it."

"Well he can't be a very good date, if he left you here all alone." He smirked, forcing his hand higher. "I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you, if you were my date, let alone let you out of my sight."

"Seems like you can't keep your hands off her even though she's _not_ your date." Steve snatched his hand off her leg, slamming it back onto the bar. "I think the lady already pushed your advances away once—why not take the hint?"

"Hey, man, I just wanted to have some fun." The Agent, obviously inebriated, didn't seem to recognize the Captain out of his uniform. "You don't have to—"

"Son." Steve interrupted, folding his arms. "Just don't."

The Agent decided to get up in Steve's face, but he found himself slammed face-first into the bar, instead. Steve was leaning over him, hissing into his ear, a hand holding his wrist while his other arm pinned his shoulders down.

"I said don't." He repeated. "She's off-limits, pal, so keep your hands and your eyes to yourself."

The Agent whimpered, trying to wriggle free, and Mizuki gently put a hand on Steve's shoulder. He let him up, giving him a firm push away from the bar, and watched as he made a mad dash for the door.

"Why the hell didn't you call for me?" Steve turned to look at Mizuki, frowning. "He had his grubby paws all over you!"

"I had him on the ropes." Mizuki grinned, winking before she kissed his cheek, grabbing her drink. "Wanna get out of here?"

The tips of his ears had tinted pink as he shook his head and tried to still look upset. "Fine. Corner table? Apparently that's were everyone's assembling, now."

Mizuki looped her arm around his, winking. "I was thinking something more fun and less public, but hey, corner tables are fun."

"Remind me never to let you drink in public again." Steve laughed, retrieving his beer from where he'd left it on the bar. "You're way too calm about what just happened."

"You showing off for the sake of my honor? Yeah, that was hot." Mizuki winked and took a sip of her drink, humming when Steve gave her a flat look. "You should do it more. I could get used to that."

"Come on, Debauchee." Steve muttered, shaking his head, tugging her toward the table.

"Hey, hey, what about Anna?" Mizuki asked, looking around for the brunette. "Where's she at?"

"She's still waiting on her drink." Steve nodded to where she was chatting with Weasel. "She knows to come join us when she gets it."

"Well, the sharks are out in force tonight. Should we wait?" Mizuki tugged him gently back toward the bar.

"She has Clint." Steve smiled, nodding toward the pair of them chatting. "She's fine."

* * *

"Come to mama!" Anna grinned, scooping up the freshly-paper-unbrella'd Strawberry Daiquiri and taking a sip. Virgin or not, it was delicious, and she grinned as she winked at Weasel. "Delicious, thank you, sir!"

"I didn't peg you as a fruity drink kinda gal." Clint grinned, nodding to the fruit-bedecked glass. "More like… Carmel vodka or whiskey on the rocks?"

"We don't talk about that." Anna winked across the top of her glass.

"Oh, I get it, it's classified, huh?" Clint grinned, taking another swig of beer. "Well, when it's no longer redacted, let me know."

Anna laughed, pushing away from the bar, making to join the rest of the motley crew at their corner table, but someone bumped into her and she had to jump back to keep from spilling her daiquiri all down her front.

"Whoa, sorry!" The Agent laughed, looking her over. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine!" Anna grinned. "Didn't see you, sorry."

"No, it's my fault." He threw on a charming smile and motioned to what was left of her drink. "Let me buy you a new one?"

"Oh, that's nice, but you really don't have to." Anna tried to sidestep him, but he moved to block her escape, catching her arm and leading her back to the bar.

"No, really, it's the least I can do." He waved to the bartender and grinned. "Whatcha drinkin?"

"Virgin Daiquiri." Anna replied, setting her glass down with an apologetic smile at Weasel.

"Virgin? No fun little kick?" He asked, winking at her.

"Well I'm not legal yet, so I can't." She smiled, a little too nicely, and pointedly looked away.

"Oh, well, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself, right?" He asked, getting into her personal space, putting a hand on her hip. "Little dancing, little letting your hair down?"

"Oh, girl, you do not want to see me let my hair down!" Clint pipped up, forcing himself between them to get to the bar, snatching up the remains of the abandoned Daiquiri. "Mm! Baby, you picked a good one." He threw a wink to Anna before he took a long, slow look at the Agent, licking his lips. "Seems you picked up more than one kinda cool drink, huh?"

Anna tried not to laugh, taking her new drink from Weasel and throwing her arm over Clint's shoulders. "Right? I thought he looked like he might be your kinda party."

"Oh, there'll be a party, alright!" Clint winked at the Agent. "In my pants, I mean."

Anna did laugh then, trying to hide it in her glass as the Agent started to flounder, looking between the two of them. Clint batted his lashes and canted his head to one side, looking the Agent over again, more slowly this time.

"Think he'd like to dance with me, instead?"

"Maybe I should, uh, go, then." The Agent started to back-pedal, nervously chuckling.

"Oh, no, don't go!" Clint grabbed his hip, pulling him in close enough that he could whisper into the Agent's ear. "Little dancing, little letting your hair down?"

" _Shit._ " The Agent swore, tearing himself away and running for the door.

" _SEE HOW THAT FEELS_?!" Clint screamed after him, cackling as soon as the Agent made it through the door. "Oh, shit, I hope Nat didn't get that on camera. That is the last thing I need floating around on the internet."

Anna doubled over with laughter, gasping for breath as Clint picked up her drink and put an arm around her shoulders. " _I can't believe you hit on him_!"

"Oh, it's not the first time." Clint grinned. "C'mon, girl, let's go join the others before anyone else makes me break out the good ol' Gay Best Friend routine."

* * *

 _Omake_

"You _hit on him_?"

"Hey, Nat slammed a douche's face into the bar."

"He had it coming."

"He only had himself to blame?"

"If you'd have _been there_."

"If you'd have _seen it."_

"Would you really have done the same?"

"Hell yeah, I would have!"

"Never again. We are never taking our girls drinking again. Ever. Too many sharks."

"Well, if you packed shark repellant in your suit like Bats does on his utility belt, this never woulda happened."

"I told you not to bring him into this!"

* * *

 _Bonus points if you get the theatre reference! :D_


End file.
